Save Me
by makka-na-yuki
Summary: Her mouth stopped near his ear, and whispered ever so softly, much like the same way she did last time Sousuke allowed her to cut his hair. You can't protect me forever, Sousuke [SousukeKaname] May contain some spoilers
1. Welcome Home

**Disclaimer:** Yes, I do not own Full Metal Panic. And yes, in my dreams, I'd like to pretend I do.

**Author's Note**: Might include a little bit of spoilers from Full Metal Panic: The Second Raid. I'm not good with battle scenes, so there's not much of robots-fighting-each-other-and-getting-blown-off stuff here (if there is, just bare with my lack of imagination on that one). Mostly Sousuke x Kaname angst/drama/whatever. I'm still not sure how this will end, but I'd like to keep it below ten chapters - that way, I'm sure I'll be able to at least finish it before my mood gets all whacked-up again. Enjoy.

**Summary**: Her mouth stopped near his ear, and whispered ever so softly, much like the same way she did last time Sousuke allowed her to cut his hair. -You can't protect me forever, Sousuke- SousukeKaname

-

**Save Me**

_By makka na yuki_

-

"You... you're.."

"_Alive_?" Sousuke finished for her, face filled with sweat in anticipation of getting hit. He had been _gone_ for so long, it seemed like years… Oh, he hoped she'd only use her fan… he didn't think he could handle any broken bones again…

Kaname raised an eyebrow. It still _irritated _her, that poker face of his. She found herself smiling at the thought.

"…Back" she corrected, a slight twinkle in her eyes. "Nothing can kill you Sousuke, I know that much." She added quickly, as she turned to enter her apartment, with him following suit.

"Oh" was his only reply. Shouldn't she be radiating with fury right now? Or even jumping up and down with joy? _Anything else but this_, Sousuke thought, unfamiliar with the change in the girl's attitude.

_I should check around her apartment for any hidden enemy devices_, the young agent thought. Who knows what could've happened in the six months that he was away?

-

He had missed this, Sousuke thought as he looked around her apartment. All those months spent inside the gray walls of the submarine had almost driven him insane. He had left her alone. Thoughts of her dying…

Sousuke blinked at the person sitting casually on one of the dining chairs. "Wraith?" he asked recognizing the agent under the disguise. Sousuke quickly shifted to soldier-mode and looked suspiciously from side to side "Is anything wrong?" _Was there an attack?_, he knew it! Something bad must've happened!

"Chidori! We have to-" he stopped as a spatula hit the back of his head.

"Geez, Sousuke" the blue-haired girl sighed wagging the offending cooking utensil to his face "Can't you even relax for a bit. Wraith and I were just having dinner"

The undercover agent smiled at the two behind her mask. From an outsider's point of view, everything seemed normal… but then…

"Chidori-san" Wraith said in a deep voice "I just remembered something I had to do. I have to cut our dinner-date short again."

_Dinner date? Again?_ Sousuke questioned silently. How long have the two been meeting like this..?

"No no, it's fine. It was nice talking to you" Kaname said with a small smile "Let me walk you out the-"

"No, I'll do it" Sousuke interjected as he motioned for Wraith towards the door.

-

When he was sure they were beyond hearing range, Sousuke faced the Intelligence Division agent "What are you doing here? You told me once you would never intervene with her life unless there's some business to take care of."

Oh, but it _is_ business, Wraith solemnly thought, more than the young soldier could ever know. "I don't have to tell you anything" the undercover agent stated as she turned to leave.

Sousuke stared worriedly at the retreating back of the seemingly fat man walking away from him.

-

"What was that all about?" Sousuke questioned the long-haired girl as he came back inside.

"Girl bonding" Kaname answered with a wink. "Now sit down and eat. It doesn't seem like they've been feeding you well" she laughed.

Sousuke smiled. He had really missed this. _I'm home_, he thought.

As the young soldier gulped down his first real meal in days, he couldn't help but wonder…

There was something Chidori Kaname was not telling him.


	2. Breaking

**Disclaimer:** Yes, I do not own Full Metal Panic. And yes, in my dreams, I'd like to pretend I do.

**Summary**: Her mouth stopped near his ear, and whispered ever so softly, much like the same way she did last time Sousuke allowed her to cut his hair. "You can't protect me forever, Sousuke" SousukeKaname

-

**Save Me**  
_By makka na yuki_

-

The time after a good home-cooked meal is finished and the plates are set aside, is always a state of comfortable silence for both of them - Kaname fixing up the dining area, looking to see if she'd missed a spot with her cleaning rag, humming a tune or two. And him, Sousuke, standing a little bit close by her side, eyes darting from time to time, expecting who-knows-what to come barging in through the windows. They have both come to cherish such rare moments, especially now when the dull ache of separation is already starting to fade...

Sousuke couldn't get his mind to ease up. He hasn't been back for more than a few hours, but the long-haired girl in front of him had given him more jumbled-up thoughts than he was willing to stress upon. There was no immediate threat in the vicinity, he knows that much, having excused himself a few minutes prior to sneakily go around the perimeter half a dozen times with all his tracking gadgets in hand. True, Kaname had given him a weird stare at the length of time he spent in the "restroom", and he, not wanting her to know that he had spied around her apartment complex, calmly stated that the food might have poisoned his stomach.

He shouldn't have been surprised to have his skull cracked immediately after. It was a normal response, Sousuke thought, as normal as the two of them could get, but he couldn't let go of the bad feeling that something was terribly off about her smile…

His musings were disturbed when Kaname had turned to stare at the top of his head. "Such a big mess" Kaname sighed as she raked a hand through his hair "Mou, don't you guys know when to get a proper haircut?"

"Negative" the young soldier replied "As I have stated before, cutting it myself with a knife is easier and much more time efficient. I would have preferred to have it all shaved-off but Sergeant Kruz implied that it would make me look… strange"

"And old!" Kaname laughed. "So the pervert is still breathing eh? You'd definitely scare of the children if you don't do what he says."

"Affirmative. Tomorrow I would immediately set up an appointment with the nearest-"

"No! Let me do it…" Kaname cut him off, a blush forming on her cheeks "… at least just this last time" she added in a silent whisper that he couldn't hear. The blue-haired girl blinked in embarrassment "I mean, you remember the last time we went to a salon, you almost killed the guy.. and yeah"

Sousuke grimly recollected that uncomfortable experience. Wraith had aimed her sniper at him again at that time, causing him to panic and assume that the stylist was trying to slice his neck off. The young soldier decided to have another talk with the undercover agent.

Sousuke nodded his head and smiled "Alright"

--------------------------------

Nothing much has changed, Sousuke mused as he looked around the area of Kaname's bathroom sink. The vase with purple flowers still sits in front of mirror to his left, while the painting of a sailboat hangs in the wall to his right. Even the cloth wrapped around his neck to protect his clothes from falling hair still has the same peach color - similar to the one was used the last time he got his hair cut by the Whispered girl.

Kaname skimmed her hands through the soldier's head, once again looking from strands that are a bit too long.

_Snip_.

He liked it... the feeling of her hands on the top of his head. It once lulled him to sleep, he remembered, just a few moments before the violent girl pushed his head down the sink and almost drowned him using a faucet. Sousuke's lip twitched at the memory. Girls... he would never understand them.

_Snip._

"Hey…" The long-haired girl started.

"What is it?"

_Snip._

"You've been gone for so long because you had work to do after that mission in China right?"

"Affirmative. I apologize for not meeting you at the airport as planned"

"Mm." She shook her head, "I understand."

_Snip. Snip._

Kaname turned his head from side to side. "Did you fight again?"

"Yes. But that is already a given."

"….. You didn't get hurt, did you?"

"No" Sousuke answered hesitantly - they both knew that was a lie. He raised his eyebrows as he recognized the familiar flow of conversation. Was she deliberately trying to ask the same questions she had the last time they had this moment together?

_Snip._

"I see" She fingered a few strands at the top of his head in thought. Sousuke sighed and closed his eyes to dispel all bothersome suspicions.

_Snip. Snip. Snip._

Silence.

_And then_, he felt it - the cool tip of the scissors pressed gently on his neck, almost breaking skin, but not quite ready to draw blood.

He kept his eyes closed. "What are you doing Chidori?" Sousuke asked calmly.

Kaname smiled at him sadly. He still trusts her, after all this time. He shouldn't… It would make everything so much more easier "Just testing out a theory."

"And that is?" the young soldier opened his eyes and looked at her through the mirror.

"A secret" Kaname winked and continued on with her work. "Almost done. Just a little bit more"

_Snip._

"If you say so…"

_Snip. Snip. Snip. Snip._

"Ne Sousuke?" she asked, after a few moments of tense silence "Do you remember? The first time I cut your hair, it had been half a year already that we had known each other."

He nodded slightly.

"…Now… it's after half a year of being gone… funny coincidence don't you think so?"

"I do not understand. What are you trying to say Chidori?"

_Snip._

"Hmm… nothing really. Only that… a lot of things have changed…"

"I am aware of the recent events." Sousuke continued obliviously "The crime rate in this area seems to have visibly lessened over the past few weeks. The political debates, as well, have- "

She cut him off "Aa."

"…Chidori?" he asked as he saw, through the mirror, her lean closer to him.

Her mouth stopped near his ear, and whispered ever so softly, much like the same way she did last time he allowed her to cut his hair.

_"I trust only you"_

But, just as fast as his heart soared that day, it broke into many pieces.

"You can't protect me forever, Sousuke"

--------------------------------

He opened his eyes.

Something was definitely wrong. Sousuke stood up to glare at his bed. He wasn't able to sleep at all anyway…

The young agent turned to look at Chidori's front porch through his window. Everything seemed peaceful enough, so why didn't this bad feeling disappear yet? He had left Kaname's apartment moments ago, still feeling as restless as he did when he arrived. Everything that have occurred this day had played out in the same manner…_much the same manner_ as it did the last time he was forced to leave her. Sousuke had dreaded opening his laptop, though he knew he was being overly paranoid. But what if… _what if_ another message came to order him to cease any type of communication with the blue-haired girl again? Would he be able to live through that?

Shaking the disturbing thoughts out of his head, Sousuke moved to turn to get a drink of water when he saw it. _There_, his eyes narrowed to focus on the roof of Chidori's apartment building. A shadowed figure wearing a cloak was moving through the rooftop…

_Suddenly_…

… a loud boom was the only warning that the young soldier got before he was thrown out his glass window by an explosion near his door. Sousuke roughly landed on the ground below, with the tree's branches non-too-softly breaking his fall. Glass had cut him everywhere, he noted as he readied his gun to look up at the flames consuming his room, but other than that, he was still alive.

He looked up once again to see the shadow on the roof disappear. Sousuke quickly removed his gun from his pockets before breaking into a run. He couldn't let this mysterious shadow – the only probably suspect around - get away… he can't let anything hurt Chidori again.

--------------------------------

He shot once, twice at the fleeing opponent, determined not to let it outrun him. He had broken through Kaname Chidori's door a few seconds ago, only to find her apartment empty. There were no signs of struggle… but he couldn't be sure. _Someone_, Sousuke thought grimly, _dared kidnap her again_.

The young soldier analyzed what other kind of traps this enemy had in store for him. The cloaked individual didn't even try to fight back nor reply when he asked it to identify itself.

The shadow quickly fell down on the ground, clutching its legs, but still refusing to make any sound. Sousuke quickly reloaded his gun before stepping closer, but was stopped when the enemy turned its shining brown eyes at him. His eyes widened in disbelief.

_No_... it couldn't be…

"I should've asked Kyouko for a less suspicious-looking cloak ne?"

This was just a mistake…, he argued with himself as the gun fell from his hands, _the bomb…she couldn't have-_

She smiled, but it didn't quite reach her eyes.

"I knew nothing could kill you Sousuke"

…_a slight twinkle in her eyes. "Nothing can kill you Sousuke, I know that much." _

He felt something in him break.

--------------------------------

**Author's Note**: I know the hair-cutting scene is one of the most common situations you'd find both our characters in… but I simply had to use it. It's one of the best scenes in the Second Raid since it once symbolized the start of the downfall of their relationship. But then again, hair never stops growing, thus, who would know when another treasured moment such as this would come again? Boink.

A longer chapter this time, though it would still take awhile for everything to come into light – not to mention I'm still not sure how all this would end. Hummm…


	3. Interrogation

**Disclaimer:** Yes, I do not own Full Metal Panic. And yes, in my dreams, I'd like to pretend I do.

**Summary**: Her mouth stopped near his ear, and whispered ever so softly, much like the same way she did last time Sousuke allowed her to cut his hair. "You can't protect me forever, Sousuke" SousukeKaname

-

**Save Me**

_By makka na yuki_

-

He had almost _killed_ her, Sousuke grimly thought, as he tried to stop himself from punching the nearby submarine wall. Though he knew his only goal the night before was to immobilize the mysterious _enemy_, so many things could've gone wrong. What if he had miscalculated his aim and the bullet pierced some vital organ instead of just her legs? What if she fell off the building in her haste to get away…? What if… _what if…_

_Calm down_, he told himself as he took deep breaths in hopes to soothe his nerves. He had been restless before, but now he's a total wreck. Even as he tried to stop the bleeding from Kaname's wounds, all the while forgetting his own injuries, his hands couldn't stop shaking.

_There was so much _**blood**_…_

Take it easy Sousuke, he chided with himself again. It would do no good if he were to snap now.

_Chidori's not dead. She's fine… she's… _

"She is waiting for you in the interrogation room." A deep voice disturbed the young soldier's thoughts. Kalinin looked at his foster son with a stoic face. His eyes however, betrayed his worry. "Talk to her."

"Yes sir!" Sousuke immediately straightened his stance to salute his commanding officer before walking off. He owed a lot to this comrade of his. Kalinin was the first one Sousuke contacted after the commotion, and the old man took it upon himself to lead the investigation and have them transported to the Tuatha de Danaan. Sousuke felt more at ease that a person he truly trusts is handling this case.

"Prepare yourself, Sagara" the old man's voice stopped him in his tracks, "She was reported to have been seeing the enemy from quite some time now."

--------------------------------

The sight of her made him uncomfortable.

Sousuke never imagined Chidori to be seated where she is now – in the middle of a dark interrogation room. It was similar to the ones he usually saw in black-and-white cop movies, with a big bright lamp connected to the ceiling as the only source of light. Though in this day and age, the young soldier knows that hidden cameras and lasers line the steel walls. It was more of a solitary torture prison, and he doesn't doubt it has been used as such prior to this case. He almost cringed at the thought of physically hurting Chidori to start confessing.

She wasn't supposed to be confined here like a… like a _lab rat_, under the scrutinizing gazes of the people behind the camera lens. She wasn't supposed to be out of bed, with two armed guards stationed to follow her everywhere like a criminal…

_Damn it_, Sousuke grimly thought as he clutched his clipboard, she wasn't supposed to smile at him like that, after what he's done…

The Kaname Chidori he knew should never look that defeated.

Kaname saw his unease. "So... you've caught me huh?" she started, trying to make a light conversation.

Not knowing what to answer, the young soldier sighed before taking his seat and skimming through the clipboard's countless pages he had read a dozen times. _He still couldn't believe what was happening._ Granted he was the most qualified to do this job because of previous associations with the blue-haired girl _but _… How in the world were they expecting him to conduct this interrogation with her smiling at him like that? That same betrayed smile she always showed whenever she knew he was going away in another life-threatening mission?

Sousuke cursed again. He was never going to leave her again after this, if given the choice. He was a human first, a soldier second – that was what he learned… no… what was **drilled** in his head every time she hit him for doing something so uncivilized. But right now, he had to follow protocol. He had to keep a straight face.

_Otherwise_…

"Is it true that you have been attending to small meetings conducted by personnel from a terrorist agency?"

The blue-haired girl had been expecting this – another interrogation, at least now by someone she actually knows - but how many times do these military men have to repeat the same god-forsaken questions before they finally realize that she wasn't bluffing the first time she answered them?

"You already know the answer to that"

He sighed again. "Yes or no only, Kaname Chidori"

"Ahh, whole name basis now huh." she huffed feeling insulted. "Well then, **yes**"

Kaname knows she shouldn't be surprised by his attitude – she had expected it long before as well – but any sign of concern would have been nice for a change. Everybody in this damn underwater base couldn't look her in the eye anymore, though they always did look and whisper amongst themselves _a lot_ whenever she was seen passing by, escorted back and forth from this room.

"Whatever" she breathed in annoyance.

_She's still the same_, the young agent almost smiled at the thought before continuing. "Is it true that this agency is led by none other than-"

"Don't say it" she cut him off, eyes ablaze. Her sudden shift to anger surprised them both. She shouldn't be _this_ affected anymore…. "Don't _ever_ say his name"

"But... Chidori" he added, hoping to lessen her fury. Sousuke didn't want her to be mad, either at him or in general, in slight fear that she would bring out that giant fan of hers from who-knows-where to make his head more rattled than before. But he would've gladly accepted her anger rather than this cold acceptance.

The long-haired girl seemed to have read his thoughts "I'm unarmed, Sousuke." She almost laughed at his expression "And I don't think hitting you right now would prove beneficial for both of us. Those guards outside aren't carrying just play guns you know?"

Sousuke sighed in defeat. "I haven't finished the questioned yet…"

Kaname crossed her arms, mood darkening all over again, "Doesn't matter. I won't answer it"

"Well then, is it also true that-"

"Cut with the crap Sousuke!." Kaname sighed, her irritation growing by the second. Don't people here ever know when to _give up_? She'd been through this so many times that it makes her head throb. "You're tired, I'm tired. Getting shot isn't exactly my idea of having fun."

He flinched.

Silence.

And then…

_"Why?"_

She smiled sadly at him, knowing she probably didn't have an answer to that as well.

-----------

They stayed like that for a while longer. Two totally different individuals seated opposite around a rectangular table in a dark, small room. Tense silence permeated the air, and yet… the familiar presence of each other made it a little bit more bearable. They both cherished it, knowing full well this may be the last time… If the people watching from the cameras had any complaints at this obvious waste of military time, they didn't let anyone know.

Sousuke decided to break the silence this time around. "What happened... w-when I was gone..?" he finished hesitantly, not wanting to show his guilt for leaving her alone, nor portray any weakness to his commanding officers that were watching. _This isn't part of the procedure_, the young agent thought as he looked at the details in his clipboard, _but I have to_ know.

Kaname placed her hand atop his, hers soft and warm against his coldness. Choosing to evade the question once again, she replied "Don't blame yourself, Sousuke, _please_"

It angered him. The young soldier removed his hands from under hers only to slam it both back down the table. The force left her wincing.

"Tell me" he hissed as he grabbed both her shoulders, patience suddenly waning at the number of unanswered questions in his mind. "Is _someone_" – he almost spat the word in disgust – "forcing you to do this?" It was vague, whatever he was referring to, as vague as their relationship right now could get. But they both knew what he was talking about.

Kaname's eyes widened in … fear? Sousuke shook her a little bit more when he realized she might dare not answer him again.

He had never used that tone on her before. She didn't expect herself to push him this far.

_He wasn't supposed to snap._

No, she shouldn't be scared of him. _Not now…_

The barrier she had set around herself was breaking

"N-no…"

His grip on her arms tightened. Sousuke stared at her face, looking for any signs that she might be lying to him. "I don't believe you"

Her's eyes narrowed in response. She hissed back _"I don't care"_

--------------------------------

**Author's Note**: Ah yes, everything's becoming a little bit clearer now. _nods to herself like she doesn't know this would happen_. I hope I didn't make Sousuke seem out-of-character… he is _human_, we all know that, and that's just how I imagine him to react in such situations.

I'm not one for many words, so I hope you won't all mind that the chapters are all still _frigginly_ short. I find it easier to read that way. And I simply don't have the time to make it longer, unless I just add more useless details that are… well… _useless _and does not add anything significant to the plot _me making excuses again_. **Reviews**, as well as grammatical corrections and whatnot,** are still very much appreciated**. It's the only thing that keeps me going with this fanfic, aside from my love of this anime, of course.

Hohohoho. 


	4. Caught

**Disclaimer:** Yes, I do not own Full Metal Panic. Though in my dreams, I'd like to pretend I do.

**Summary**: (Spoiler Warning) Her mouth stopped near his ear, and whispered ever so softly, much like the same way she did the last time Sousuke allowed her to cut his hair. "You can't protect me forever, Sousuke" (SousukeKaname)

-

**Save Me**  
_By makka na yuki_

-

--------------------------------

_Tell me why._

--------------------------------

A punch left him staggering back into the wall of the alley, glaring daggers at the only other person in the area.

"Could you be any more of an _idiot_?" the tall green haired man hissed in a deep almost-fake voice. "We can't be seen together, much less be seen _at all_. You already attract too much attention to yourself as it is. Do not jeopardize my mission with your stupidity."

Sousuke glared at the undercover agent. "Chidori was your mission, and look what _happened_ to her." He retorted, trying to bring some sense into why he confronted the other Mithril officer. He had just been transported back to Tokyo Base, along with Kaname and a few other agents, to investigate and 'clean-up' the bombing of his apartment. It took hours before he finally tracked down the Intelligence Division personnel. "What does that say about you, Wraith?"

"More than what can be said of you." The disguised officer snorted, fist shaking "At least I had enough sense not to abandon her."

The young soldier tried not to wince at the insult. "It's not my fault" Sousuke immediately replied in his defense "the **order** clearly stated-"

"_Stop making excuses_." Wraith interrupted, looking tired and weary even with her mask on "We both know you were _only_ allowed to come back after you've defended yourself and offered to have the higher-ups cut your salary in half. Why couldn't you have done so earlier, during that time after China when you've already proven to us how valuable you are? Why only now?"

The dark-haired boy could not give a straight answer. Sousuke remembered how Chidori had plagued his thoughts, even his dreams, in those long six months he was away. Oftentimes, he would have nightmares of her bloodied form reaching for him from across the battlefield, mouthing the words "_I forgive you_" over and over and over again until he wakes up sweating, heart thundering in his chest. But he shouldn't – _couldn't_ – do anything about it. As a soldier, his duties came first - it was how he lived his life for so long, even as a child. How can anyone know that he was suffering? How could he explain? Chidori had presented him the opportunity to live a normal life, and Sousuke eventually realized after long months of brooding that he was stupid to give that all up without a fight. He finally snapped at one of the council meetings and demanded that they send him back. The young soldier had wished all those times that nothing bad happened to the blue-haired girl, but in the wake of the recent events, it seems his fears were coming true. He sighed and let his defenses down. "…You wouldn't understand."

"You give yourself too much credit, _boy_," The undercover agent nearly snorted. Was this boy truly an idiot? "I'm a soldier as well. I would _know_ what it is like."

The young soldier stayed silent.

"And Sousuke," Wraith continued, eyes almost turning soft "I know Ms. Chidori understands as well"

_If she does, then why is this all happening?_ Sousuke dejectedly thought. Nothing makes sense, and he's still left in the dark. The interrogation did not prove to be helpful, as Chidori still refuses to give her full cooperation on the matter. There were so many things that were left unsaid, and he was growing restless with the infinite possibilities going through his mind.

_"Don't blame yourself, Sousuke, please"_

The young agent's resolve hardened. He would get his answers today. "Tell me what really happened. I deserve to know as much."

"You deserve _nothing_" Wraith angrily whispered, eyes hardening once again. "The case of Miss Chidori is classified information" She interrupted him before he could reply a comeback, "And yes, even from you. Her _guardian_." The undercover agent spit out the last word in mockery.

The dark-haired boy gave no reply.

"_Che_." Wraith almost snorted. "You shouldn't have come back then. It would have made things so much easier…"

"Tell me this at least" Sousuke said, looking very much defeated "That night when you were in Chidori's apartment, did you know? Were you already aware that something was terribly wrong?"

"Why else do you think I would even bother to be there in person?"

"Why then?" the young soldier gritted his teeth "Why do you interfere _now_ when only a few months ago you wouldn't dare waste your time on her?"

The undercover agent closed her eyes and sighed.

"_You said you'd rather just die like this right?"_

_Wraith stared at blue-haired girl, bathrobe drenched under the freezing night's rain, looking at her with sad eyes that doesn't fit her cheery and energetic character._

"_How about fight on for a little bit longer?" Kaname continued having received no reply from the paralyzed agent, "I will, you know. From here on... **Always**…"_

"Chidori-san… has a way of changing people" the Intelligence Division officer whispered, opening her eyes to look at the teenager in front of her.

"What does that mean? Explain."

She shook her head. "Sergeant Sagara" the undercover agent continued, straightening her trenchcoat, "I advise that you stop wasting my time."

And once again, Sousuke was left staring at 'his' retreating back.

--------------------------------

Talking with the undercover agent seemed like a waste of time afterall, Sousuke thought. There were still so many questions running through his head, and the only other person aside from Chidori who could've given him answers hated him too damn much, more so after their little encounter in that alley.

Sousuke sighed. No one seems to be telling him anything these days. And it was driving him crazy.

The brown-haired agent couldn't face her yet… not like this. Everything about the situation was preventing him from thinking clearly.

But if he wanted answers, this was the only way to do it.

--------------------------------

Sousuke came back two days after, choosing to lean against the wall of the room. He carried no clipboard this time. He needed to go through with this in the most familiar manner, so interrogation once again was out of the question.

The young soldier feared that he might hurt her again – the memory of her trembling shoulders under his tight grip is enough to make him regret everything. He sometimes wished she would just stay angry at him – that he could accept. But the fear in her eyes the last time they talked made him swallow back his raging emotions.

Kaname just sat there seemingly unfazed.

"My wound is all better now," she started with a small smile, swinging her legs back and forth to show him.

This is the first time they ever discussed her injury... the injury _he_ gave her. He found that he could not speak.

"The doctor was surprisingly nice, though he did look like he was just pretending to smile." She looked at the ceiling in wonderment. "Tessa's been here a few times. She apologizes for the rough treatment, but then I told her I didn't know what she was talking about."

Kaname laughed at herself "Well except for this room of course... those big shiny lights are really starting to-"

"This is too much of an idiotic thing to do. Even for you." he cut her off

Kaname narrowed her eyes. Here she was trying to make a light conversation and this guy just had to go straight to the point. _He has a right to be angry_, she muses,but the insult still irritated the hell out of her. He dared think he understood. "Oh so you think you know me now huh?"

"Why..?" he repeated his question from before.

"Why? Because I refuse to be weak." She smiled sadly, giving him vague and yet truthful answers once again.

There was something she wasn't telling him and he was getting tired of it.

"Did you want to kill me?"

"Hell no, what am I stupid? You're the only reason I have for... for"

"Following them" he finished for her. The idea had been in his mind from quite some time now. He had lots of enemies, and it would just be natural to have them come after her to hurt him. Did they threaten to kill him or her family so that she'll follow? His fists clenched at the thought.

"Continuing on living like this" she whispered solemnly, correcting him once again. He had _almost_ hit the bulls-eye with that last statement.

He was always finishing things for her, she thought with a sad smile, may it be sentences or battles she was too weak to succeed in.

Even though he's mostly wrong...

This was the closest she could come to a confession.

And he would never understand.

Sousuke almost closed his eyes in anguish. He needed this… needed her to reassure him that everything is okay. That the previous night was just a misunderstanding…

"Chidori…"

Kaname's eyes softened. She knew hurting him was inevitable.

_If only…_

"That defeated look does not suit you, Sousuke" she tried to lighten the mood once again. "It might scare the children"

He almost smiled. Almost. Their conversation was going around circles. This was getting him nowhere. "I am human as well, Chidori" he replied, if only to hear her voice again.

Kaname tried to stop the tears from falling. She wanted to tell him so many things, just so he wouldn't look at her like that again.

_But…_

"Emotions can get you killed" she stated matter-of-factly, eyes hardening.

His eyes snapped to her face. "It does not!" his outburst surprised him as well. "It's what keeps us alive."

A few years ago, he would've thought otherwise. But time passes and things change. A lot of things, he remember her telling him once.

"Does it..? Don't you wish sometimes that you wouldn't have to suffer the guilt of having someone's blood smeared on your hands?"

"Chidori? W-What are you saying..?"

"They've already got me trapped Sousuke. There's nothing I can do." Kaname replied, choosing her words carefully.

"We can help." _I can help._ _The_ young agent didn't even know what he was saying, just that he wanted to see her smile at him again. "We've got enough weapons to defeat-"

Who? _Who_ were they really up against?

She shook her head.

"It's already too late. This is my repentance."

An explosion shook the room. An alarm was immediately set off the entire building.

"They found me" she whispered so softly that he almost missed it. A lone tear slid down her cheeks.

--------------------------------

_I wish I could say good-bye._

--------------------------------

**Author's Note**: Ahh yes, I must apologize for spending a month just to update one single _short _chapter and ending in another cliffhanger again. I won't go saying that I was suffering from writer's block, or that I didn't want to continue writing without really knowing how to end this fanfiction or that school's been really keeping me busy.. but err… yeah XD _excuses_ At least you all are already getting a clearer idea ne? This fic is my little baby as well, but I seem to be giving more attention to "**Ammunition**", since well, it's really easier to write drabbles and one-shots ;;

As some of you may have already guessed (or probably not), the timeframe of the fic is set 6 months after Sousuke's battle with the Venoms in Hongkong. Kaname used Wraith to bring her there, but Sousuke could not go back home with her because he had another mission scheduled right after. And thus the cause of our little conflict right here.


	5. For my Enemy

**Disclaimer:** Yes, I do not own Full Metal Panic. Though in my dreams, I'd like to pretend I do.

**Summary**: (Spoiler Warning) Her mouth stopped near his ear, and whispered ever so softly, much like the same way she did the last time Sousuke allowed her to cut his hair. "_You can't protect me forever, Sousuke._" (SousukeKaname)

-

**Previous chapter:**

"_We can help." _I can help_. The young agent didn't even know what he was saying, just that he wanted to see her smile at him again. "We've got enough weapons to defeat-" _

_Who? _Who_ were they really up against? _

_She shook her head. _

_"It's already too late. This is my repentance."_

_An explosion shook the room. An alarm was immediately set off the entire building._

_"They found me" she whispered so softly that he almost missed it. A lone tear slid down her cheeks._

-

**Save Me**

**Chapter 05 : For my Enemy**

_By makka na yuki_

-

--------------------------------

_I wish I could say good-bye._

--------------------------------

Sousuke found himself staring at the bright red eyes of a miniature AS. The lasers that were discreetly hidden around the interrogation room had automatically aimed for the intruder as one of the steel walls collapsed, but the robot only covered himself with his dark cloak and the lasers proved to have no effect. All of them were easily destroyed with a couple of shots, and soon, nothing was left standing in between the young soldier and this new enemy.

"Chidori, stay behind me!" Sousuke ushered. The blue-haired girl hesitated for a moment before obeying. She kept silent.

The machine made no move towards them, it's bright red eyes only scanning the room.

_A human-sized ArmSlave? _The brown-haired agent questioned to himself, warily eyeing the intruder. He had not seen anything like this before. In his knowledge, Arbalest was one of the smallest ArmSlaves out there, relatively lighter compared with the opponents that he had faced in many battles. But this human-sized AS, with a body that seemed to carry the strength of its larger predecessors, seems to be a bigger threat than what would be expected.

The young soldier shook the disturbing thoughts away from his head as he quickly reached for his pistol to point at the enemy. Though already seeing what had happened to Mithril's top laser technology in the face of this new robot, he still could not just stand around doing nothing.

Sousuke would not dare betray Chidori again.

_Betray?,_ a mocking voice inside of him questioned, _how many times have you told yourself this, only to end in disappointment? _The dark-eyed agent shook his head again. _Concentrate!_ Kaname needed his protection. He still wanted to get answers from her, but that could wait.

Sousuke analyzed the situation and tried to think of a strategy. The room was definitely too cramped, with pieces of rubble and cement strewn all around. It will be in his disadvantage if a fight ensues, especially since he needs to protect Kaname. She is still injured.

The door behind them was the only exit.

"Chidori! Run now while I distract-"

His sentence was cut-off when the AS spoke in a human-like male voice. "Ms. Kaname Chidori." Sousuke's eyes narrowed.

_"They found me" she whispered so softly that he almost missed it._

So this was what she meant by that statement. Sousuke's instincts had warned him of this possibility, that the enemy would come to take her back. _Back?_ But won't that only mean that she is truly one of them? Kalinin had mentioned that she had been communicating with the enemy, and she had confirmed this theory days ago, but the young agent could still not accept it.

_There has to be some other explanation_, he thought, lips thinning in frustration.

He tightened his grip on his pistol and aimed a little higher. How long before back-up would arrive? The cameras have all been destroyed due to the explosion, that is true, but it disturbed him that their hostage – he _hated_ the word – would not be given priority in this situation. To his knowledge, the Tokyo Land Base was properly equipped with the latest technology. A number of soldiers were also being trained here. So where were they? They couldn't have been all killed, the alarm was only set a few minutes ago.

It's as if Mithril was _letting_ all this happen.

True, she is a suspect, but she's a Whispered as well, and that's enough to warrant her protection. _Though of course,_ the voice inside of his head commented again, _she's not just your usual charge anymore._

Friend. That was what they are.

They were friends.

_Right?_

"I won't repeat myself Chidori! You have to ru-"

"No," he was cut off once again, this time with the small voice behind him. The brown-haired agent turned to look at the girl, eyes questioning

Kaname opened her eyes to look at the mini-AS and nodded.

Sousuke could only widen his eyes in surprise… and denial. What was happening?

"Chidori…? W-what?"

The blue-haired girl placed a hand on his extended arm.

"Sousuke, no" she repeated, "It's alright. He… _It_ will not hurt us."

Her hand coaxed him to lower his weapon, and for a moment, all he wanted to do was obey. He looked into her eyes, and it held only truth and sadness. He could trust her right? Just as she had given her trust to him so long ago.

But then the AS took one step closer, and the Mithril agent was brought back to the reality of the situation. Here was the enemy, only a few feet away from them, and it was coming to take _her_ away.

To take her _away from him._

He could not allow such a thing to happen, not again, not like how Gauron had done so before.

He fired at its eyes, and was not surprised that it still did not have an effect. It reacted to fast, and his bullet met that dark cloak again. The machine, however, seemed to have decided it had enough and moved to attack. Sousuke quickly covered Kaname with his body and waited for the blow.

It never came.

"Enough!" Kaname's hard voice rang through the entire room. The AS quickly stilled in its movements, weapons down. She sighed in defeat and took a few steps toward the robot. "Let's just go"

Sousuke almost dropped his pistol in surprise. The miniature ArmSlave actually _obeyed_ her orders. That could only be possible if… if…

"Chidori" his voice stopped the girl in her tracks.

She turned to look at the sad eyes of her former protector.

"What is the meaning of this?", Sousuke continued.

_No._ His fears _cannot_ be coming true.

Kaname turned back to face the robot, stepping closer, cloak covering her from behind.

A small voice was his only reply.

"I'm sorry, Sousuke"

Another explosion shook the room, and when the dust cleared, she was gone.

--------------------------------

Arriving back to this place did not keep the memories from rushing back. Sousuke's eyes, she remembered as she looked back when the AS detonated a small bomb in the interrogation room, was filled with so much _raw_ pain that the only thing she wanted to do was hold him and tell him everything was going to be alright.

But that would've been a lie.

_Maybe I should've explained_, the blue-haired girl thought. But how? What could she have said to make him understand that for the length of time he had been gone, she had finally discovered how to live a life without his protection? That she spent months helping out in something that she would have never wanted him to part of? She was sworn to secrecy, and for a moment, she had regretted putting that above her friendship to the young soldier.

He had fought for far too long and seen too much that she wanted to be the one to protect him.

Kaname thought she should've done something, _anything_, first before leaving Sousuke like that. She might have been hallucinating when she saw longing in his eyes the time he called out her name to stop her.

But then, she thought, she doesn't have nor deserve that kind of affection.

The long-haired girl stopped walking and took a deep breathe, looking around the large area in front of her.

_My dearest sister is not the only one who can build battle submarines._

Kaname fought down the urge to shiver. She spent too much time in this place already that the cold feeling might never go away.

The long-haired girl found herself by the entrance to a large submarine. It was big, dark and cold, much unlike the Tuatha de Danaan. Tessa had the crew's comfort in mind when she had designed it… this place however, held no such care at all. It's probably filled with numerous weapons and machines – technology that will be used to annihilate whoever will stand in the way. Who knew what other kind of evil hid behind its walls? Kaname resisted the urge to shiver. It was simply cold.

A voice broke through the silence.

"How unfortunate that you didn't get to kill him with that bomb. Everything would have been _so_ _much easier_."

The blue-haired girl's gaze shifted to the man coming out from the shadows of the underwater ship. It only made sense that he insults her the first minute she comes back to this wretched place. The meaning behind his words – her failure from long ago – did not go unnoticed.

Kaname regretted not being able to kill this man the first time she had the chance.

Gauron gave her a grin, and she tried not to turn away from the visible insanity in his eyes. It surprised her as well that this man was still alive. She had heard from Mithril that Sousuke had finally killed this terrorist back in China, but knowing this devil now, he probably faked his death yet again.

_I wanted to witness how it is he would come back to his feet. You should've seen his face when I told him you died._

As much as it pleases her that Sousuke would've gone insane if she was killed, she couldn't find a reason to smile. Sousuke doesn't love her. True, they may have developed a sort of comfortable relationship. But he just can't _love _her. Not like that.

"You knew." Kaname almost hissed. "You sent me back to plant that bomb knowing that he would be back as well."

"You don't think we'd actually give you freedom just like that right?" Gauron laughed, earning a deadlier glare from the teenage girl. "Of course it was also a miscalculation in our part that you would get captured by them. We thought you were smarter than that."

The blue-haired girl turned her head away in shame. "You should have stayed dead," she mumbled, teeth gritting in frustration.

The former terrorist smirked at her predictable reaction. "And you should have let yourself be killed"

Kaname stiffened as the memories came rushing back.

_Darkness. _

_Fear. _

_The bitter rain. _

_And life slowly draining in her eyes._

She fought to stay alive back then. She was alone, and terrified, but she did not give up. It should have been enough, but the fates decided to have someone die in her place. It wasn't fair. Gauron knew… they _all_ knew how it affected her so.

"You _bastard_" she seethed, and the man in front of her laughed again.

"Now now Gauron," a new voice cut in, "That is not the right way to treat a lady."

The owner of the voice stepped up into the light, silver hair almost shining ethereally. He raised his hand for a wave, the greeting directed to her and Kaname once again tried to quell the anger rising within her. She tensely nodded her head in response. It would not be wise to act enraged in front of _him_, though she had a suspicion that sometimes, he liked getting her all riled up just for the purpose of entertainment. Leonard Testarossa was a very handsome man, no doubt, but it's not only his looks that draw attention to him, but also the two human-sized ArmSlave following him around like lapdogs.

Kaname barely looked at them, silently wondering when was it that she started getting used to being around these machines. Was it because she knew those things would never hurt her?

Gauron gave another small laugh while scratching the back of his head. "Just teasing the little girlie. I kind of missed her."

A glare was his only response from the Whispered girl.

"After all," Leonard continued with a small smile "All this talk of dying and killing has no place in this _home_ of ours"

Kaname would've snorted if the atmosphere of the conversation wasn't so serious. Instead, she unconsciously tightened her fists. _How dare he?_ How can he speak so calmly about such things when he himself had caused the death of many? Granted Kaname cannot be sure about that speculation, for the silver-haired man hid his plans and activities almost from anyone in this submarine. And she spends so much time in the laboratory…

The blue-haired girl raised a hand to her forehead, willing the rising headache to go away. Leonard noticed the small action and knitted his brows worriedly, "Ms. Chidori?"

Kaname blinked back the pain and tried to hide it with a smile, "It's nothing, just tired. I'll be in my room if you need me"

The silver-haired man followed her retreating form with his eyes, eventually focusing on the way she seems to be limping. Gauron noticed his line of sight and couldn't help but smirk.

Kaname was almost a few feet away from the residential area of the submarine when she felt someone grab her left arm and pull her back. Confused brown eyes met angry silver.

"Who did this?" he almost growled, grip tightening unconsciously. Kaname tried not to wince. _That would sure to leave a bruise…_ She averted her eyes.

"_Who?_" he repeated, gently lifting her chin to meet his eyes.

Kaname closed her eyes and sighed. She opened them once again to look at the man in front of her sincerely, "It's nothing. Don't worry about it."

Leonard was the perfect gentleman. The first minute she stepped foot into his submarine, he treated her with respect and care that she probably doesn't deserve. Being indirectly associated and under the protection of Mithril, she was originally his enemy after all.

Kaname could've fallen in love with him, if she didn't think he was evil and insane.

"They hurt you. I should kill them."

Her eyes flashed with anger… and desperation. "You wouldn't. You promised me," she replied in a confident voice. Kaname learned at the very start that she had to stand her ground in front of this guy. She refused to show any weakness, especially not in this matter. They made a deal, and she had spent far too much time with him to already know that he was a man of his word. He would not dare take it back. He couldn't!

"_Don't_ hide from me Kaname," the pain in his voice surprised her "Let me protect you."

But she heard the voice of another…

"_I'll protect you Chidori"_

"_You better!_" _she exclaimed, wagging her paper fan in warning. They both grinned._

She heard those words so many times already that she could not trust in it anymore. "**No**!" she gasped as she pushed him away.

Leonard blinked, taken aback by her outburst.

Kaname immediately realized her mistake. That memory… it had happened so long ago but she could still remember the hope and happiness that filled her heart when she heard his words… and the disappointments that came after. What was this? Was she starting to compare them now? It was unthinkable.

"I apologize. I'm just tired…"

The silver-haired man narrowed his eyes, "I understand. I'll meet you in the laboratory tomorrow morning"

Kaname nodded her goodbye and limped towards her room.

As she disappeared around the corner, Gauron placed a hand on his shoulder, smirk still in place, "She thinks of him a lot, even if you're there."

Leonard turned his gaze to the other man, "What ever you say, I cannot give you permission to kill him."

Gauron's grin widened, "She even got you on a leash huh?"

"Watch your mouth" the silver-haired man said angrily, with the two AS behind him turning alert and stepping forward.

Gauron puts his hand up in defeat. "Geez, I was just joking."

"Prepare yourself," Leonard said as he walked away, "_He_ will be coming. Defeat him if you wish, but do not take his life."

Gauron frowned at the order.

How in the hell was he going to do that?

--------------------------------

_Come for me, so I will be able to say goodbye._

--------------------------------

**Author's Note**: I suppose no one would probably believe my excuses now? Lolz. I just had to get this chapter out, trying to make it longer was disturbing my brain. Anyway, I would like to say that the only thing I know about Leonard Testarossa is limited to his appearance in the Second Raid. Hopefully, I wouldn't make him too much out of character. Comments (and _not-too-_violent reactions) would definitely be appreciated.

Just to prove I'm at least already getting my lazy ass to work on the next chapter, here's a preview. Yay!

**Next Chapter:**

"_I am here to volunteer my services in the rescue of Miss-"_

_He didn't get to finish. "Denied," Tessa clearly stated._

_Sousuke straightened. "But Captain, I must insist that-"_

"_I will not repeat myself again Sergeant Sousuke Sagara. Your participation is __**not**__ necessary. Do you understand?"_

"_But who will-"_

"_Do. You. Understand?" She calmly repeated the question, voice almost dripping in venom. She considers Sousuke as a friend, really, but he is really trying her patience now. How many times does she have to repeat herself before he learns to keep quiet about the situation? This new personality of his is a great change, Tessa decided, but sometimes, even just for a moment, she wishes he would revert back to his old obedient self. Kaname would probably pull her braid again if the fiery girl ever learns about her train of thoughts. On the other hand, Kaname would probably applaud how she assertively handled the situation. _

_If only she had been a little bit stronger before… _


	6. Memories

**Disclaimer:** Yes, I do not own Full Metal Panic. Though in my dreams, I'd like to pretend I do.

**Summary**: (Spoiler Warning) Her mouth stopped near his ear, and whispered ever so softly, much like the same way she did the last time Sousuke allowed her to cut his hair. "_You can't protect me forever, Sousuke._" (SousukeKaname)

-

**Save Me  
Chapter 06 : Memories**  
_By makka na yuki_

-

--------------------------------

_Come for me, so I will be able to say goodbye._

--------------------------------

Alone.

The undercover agent knew what that word really meant. With her line of work, having someone to accompany her would only prove to be a disadvantage. Wraith spent most of her time gathering information through the lens of her sniper at the tallest building in the area. Silence and concentration were of utmost importance…

But then again – as she eventually realized - no matter how silent she is, her choice of location was painfully obvious to anyone who knew of her existence. After all, that was how Chidori Kaname had met her that one night.

She did not expect it, but they had grown close after that. Wraith had been there to accompany the teenager in her trip to China to meet a certain Sagara Sousuke. How could she say no? The blue-haired girl almost spit fire as she demanded it was Wraith's duty as a protector to bring her there. The undercover agent almost smiled at the thought. It was Kaname's strong spirit and determination that makes people like her, and the secret agent was no exception.

_Chidori Kaname. _

Wraith wished the young girl was alright. She remembered the first time they had their so called "dinner date" together. Kaname said it was the only way she could give her thanks to the Intelligence officer for all her help, and Wraith had surprisingly looked forward to it. The secret agent was expecting to see the young sergeant with her, but as she was quietly led inside the apartment, there were only two sets of plates on the kitchen table.

_Wraith's eyes widened in question, "You're… alone," she spoke for the first time, not believing the sight in front of her. Maybe she misjudged the situation? She had come to check on the young sergeant's apartment first, ready to give him an earful on how irresponsible he acted, but she was only met with a dark and empty room. Wraith figured Sousuke must be staying with Kaname for the time being, since he did not have the time to send his furniture back on such short notice. _

_But then…_

_Kaname almost raised an eyebrow at the obvious statement._

"_It's nice to see you too Wraith, especially without a mask on"_

_The Intelligence Division personnel swallowed her surprise and continued "He did not come back with you"_

"_It's alright, I would've expected it"_

"_And yet you did all this just to-"_

"_I know Wraith, I know"_

_Silence._

"_I think… this is for the best. I would not have wanted him to see me like this anyway"_

Back then, the undercover agent could only nod her head. They sat down to dinner, and they spoke of other things. With the way things are going, they both knew he would not approve. On the other hand… the young soldier probably would if he was _ordered_ to mind his own business.

Wraith seethed at the thought. She considered herself a dog of the military before, but she would not hesitate to break any rules if the need comes. True, she did get into trouble when she brought Kaname in the middle of a battle area in China, _but_, Wraith thought, Sousuke should be ready to take that risk as well with the commanding officers.

But then, Chidori was far too kind hearted to let him be in a situation like that.

Wraith clenched her hands into a tight fist. She needed to beat someone up, and a certain brown-haired teenager was beginning to look like the perfect punching bag.

--------------------------------

What were they going to do with her?

Sousuke remembered his first experience in saving a Whispered from the enemy. She had looked so fragile, looking at him with eyes that spoke of the insanity that she has gone through. Those kind of eyes, Sousuke thought, could only belong to someone who could never be saved anymore.

If Kaname came back looking like that, the young agent did not know what he was going to do anymore.

Sousuke's thoughts were interrupted as the personnel called out his name.

"Thank you for waiting. The Captain will see you now Sergeant Sagara"

He nodded his head towards the secretary and entered the room.

The silver-haired captain looked up from her work, frowning as she recognized the person who entered the room. The amount of paperwork on her desk only served to heighten the look of fatigue from her face. An equally grim-looking Kalinin stood beside her in assistance.

Tessa cleared her throat before she began, "Well Sergeant, what is it?"

Sousuke, on the other hand, looked stunned for the moment. He'd never experienced being treated so coldly by the Captain. Usually, she acted shy and clumsy around him. This hard and stern personality, he decided, does not suit her at all.

It seems as though everyone around him is changing.

"Sergeant" the young captain repeated, tapping her pen noisily on the desk to get his attention.

The brown-haired soldier straightened his stance, "I have come to demand for answers"

"_Demand_, sergeant?" Kalinin interrupted, one eyebrow raised in mock surprise, "What makes you think a lower ranking soldier such as you deserves to be answered?"

"Because I am her protector."

"Not anymore"

"What?" Sousuke almost took a step back in shock.

The old strategist continued, "You might have _persuaded_ the council to take you off your previous mission, but your role as protector had ended the moment you left for China months ago."

"But… you gave me permission to go see her and-"

"Yes, I sent you back. But I do not remember giving you any orders to take on the mission of guarding her once again."

The young soldiers eyes blazed, "I must insist!" his voice growing louder in agitation

"Kalinin" a small voice disrupted the disagreement. The two male soldiers looked at their captain in surprise – they almost forgot she was there. Tessa continued, "It is alright. Let Sergeant Sagara ask his questions"

Kalinin leaned in to whisper in her ear "Are you sure that is wise, Captain?"

"Yes, it would not be right to keep him in the dark for too long." The silver-haired girl turned her attention towards the young agent in front of her.

"At ease, sergeant. Permission to speak is granted. Though you must be aware that the information we can give you is limited."

"Affirmative. Wraith has already mentioned about the confidentiality of Chidori's case."

"Then what do you want to know?"

"How did Chidori come to enter in this war?"

"She is a Whispered, Sergeant. You already know the answer to that."

"But to be affiliated with the enemy? I thought she was unofficially on our side?"

"_Officially"_ Tessa corrected.

"What?"

"A few days after you disembarked on your mission, Ms. Kaname Chidori had submitted her request to join our organization. Given her…" the silver-haired captain hesitated before continuing "_abilities…_ the Intelligence Division immediately took her in."

Sousuke almost staggered in shock. These past few days did nothing but disprove his belief that everything would've been alright in his absence. Half a year… half a year was all it took for his world to crumble right in front of him. He immediately composed himself, hoping his voice wouldn't waver. This was not the right time to succumb to any weakness. Sousuke looked straight into Tessa's eyes.

"But what could she contribute? She's just a student, she didn't receive any training. Just because she is a Whispered does not mean she could help. Unless…"

The young captain's reply was instantaneous, "Her knowledge about the Lambda Driver is of high importance to Mithril."

"You let them delve into her mind?" Sousuke seethed trying to push the image of the frail looking Whispered at the back of his mind, "I thought that was against the code -"

"Sousuke" Kalinin decided to intervene once again "you should know that the Captain would not permit such acts. Watch your words."

"Hai, sir. I apologize Captain"

Tessa gave him a small smile, "It's alright. Do you need anything else?"

The brown-haired sergeant nodded, "The enemy. If she was _officially_ on our side, why is she there now?"

"They…" Tessa hesitated again, eyes darting to Kalinin for assurance, "have offered her the chance to learn more about the secrets in her mind."

"And she took it? Just like that."

"In a way, yes. _Just like that._" The young captain mimicked.

Sousuke shook his head in disbelief, "That is impossible," he replied with conviction. Kaname would never… she would not…

The silver-haired captain leaned back in her seat and closed her eyes in exhaustion. When she opens them again, they are glazed with silent pain, "Is it really? You, more than anyone else, know how Ms. Kaname thinks."

Sousuke stopped for a moment, thinking deeply. For as long as he knew the violent girl, she always acted spontaneously, especially when it was to protect those she cared about. But this… this is all wrong. Was she keeping something from him, even before he had decided to leave? Did her hidden knowledge caused her so much pain that she had to seek the help of the enemy? Sousuke would not dare believe that Kaname had become selfish enough to abandon them… to abandon him.

"She… hates feeling useless," he answered carefully, as if doubting his own words. He clenched his fists tighter, voice growing louder "But that shouldn't be enough! She had already helped a lot before and-"

"Calm down, sergeant," Tessa slammed her hand down on her desk. She had been taken aback by his outburst. But then, the silver-haired girl thought, Sousuke is still human afterall. "Remember, you questioned her capabilities to contribute anything just a few minutes ago. We cannot really know what Ms. Kaname Chidori had planned when she joined the other side. But that is not important right now. What we need to do is get her back."

Sousuke was quick in his reply. This was the true reason he had come for this meeting with his commanding officers. "Then I am here to volunteer my services in the rescue of Miss-"

He didn't get to finish. "Denied," Tessa clearly stated.

Sousuke straightened. "But Captain, I must insist that-"

"I will not repeat myself again Sergeant Sousuke Sagara. Your participation is not necessary. Do you understand?"

"But who will-"

"Sergeant!" Tessa interjected, voice almost dripping in venom. She considers Sousuke as a friend, really, but he is really trying her patience now. How many times does she have to repeat herself before he learns to keep quiet about the situation? This new personality of his is a great change, Tessa decided, but sometimes, even just for a moment, she wishes he would revert back to his old obedient self. Kaname would probably pull her braid again if the fiery girl ever learns about her train of thoughts. On the other hand, Kaname would probably applaud how she assertively handled the situation. If only she had been a little bit stronger before…

"_In line with the contract, Ms. Kaname Chidori has decided to join the Intelligence Division."_

"_I cannot accept this!"_

"_Commander Testarossa, you have to-"_

"_No! This is a human being we're talking about, not just some machine we could throw away-," She stopped in mid-sentence, knowing full well how untruthful her statement is. How many subordinates have died because she had sent them to battle? In a sense, they were tools as well. _

_But this is different. _

_This is wrong… Kaname is not a soldier. She should not endanger her wellbeing by entering in this war. "You don't have to do this in exchange for a plane ticket. I could-"_

_The girl in question shook her head "Tessa," Kaname spoke, voice confident, "It's not about that. Let me do this. I __**need**__ to do this."_

"Do. You. Understand?" Tessa calmly repeated the question.

Sousuke sighed. "Affirmative"

"You must pardon the Captain, Sousuke," Kalinin's voice cut through the tense silence, "due to your close attachment to Ms. Kaname Chidori, your presence in this

problem might only complicate the situation."

"But I had succeeded in a number of opportunities to save her in the past. I am confident I can do so again."

"Are you _so_ confident that the scene in the interrogation room will not occur again?"

_Kaname placed her hand atop his, hers soft and warm against his coldness. Choosing to evade the question once again, she replied "Don't blame yourself, Sousuke, please"_

_It angered him. The young soldier removed his hands from under hers only to slam it both back down the table. The force left her wincing._

_"Tell me" he hissed as he grabbed both her shoulders, patience suddenly waning at the number of unanswered questions in his mind. "Is someone" – he almost spat the word in disgust – "forcing you to do this?" It was vague, whatever he was referring to, as vague as their relationship right now could get. But they both knew what he was talking about._

_Kaname's eyes widened in … fear? Sousuke shook her a little bit more when he realized she might dare not answer him again. _

_He had never used that tone on her before. She didn't expect herself to push him this far. _

Sousuke's eyes widened. He had forgotten about the hidden cameras in the room when he had lost control and lashed out at the girl.

"I-"

"We cannot risk such outbursts in the middle of the battle. There may come a chance that you will have to face her again."

The young sergeant gritted his teeth in agitation. He had thought of the possibilities of such situations to happen. From the information that he and the others before have taken from her, it was without a doubt that she had been working for the enemy. _Their_ enemy. _Chidori,_ he thought, _do I really have your trust? Why did you not tell me anything?_

"You may leave now Sergeant" Tessa's voice had returned to its quiet form.

"I would like to know one more thing"

"What is it?"

"Who will be the one in charge in her rescue then?"

Tessa and Kalinin looked at each other for a moment before facing him with the same expression they held as he first entered the room.

"The same person that we had asked to protect her all this time"

--------------------------------

The moment he steps from the room, he found himself staring at the all-too-familiar fake looking face.

"Wraith? You can't possibly be the one in command. One from the Intelligence Division does not have enough freedom to enter the battlefield."

"Very well said, Mr. Sagara. It honestly disturbs me that we have to meet so soon again." The undercover agent gave a sadistic grin under her mask, "Your wrongful assumptions are starting to get on my nerves."

He arrived at the only conclusion. "Then you will act alone?"

There it was again. That memory. _"You're… alone," _ The last time she met the blue-haired girl before she joined the enemy.

"I am not obligated to tell you anything. I am still part of Intelligence, she is as well."

Sousuke stopped for a moment. She's right, he thought dejectedly, Kaname entered ther organization behind his back. And she decided to leave without him knowing as well.

"But…"

The undercover agent narrowed her eyes, "Think what you wish, I do not have time for you at the moment."

And with that, he was left standing on the hall.

--------------------------------

The undercover agent entered the room, and found herself face-to-face with her commanding officers. Her eyes met Kalinin's before addressing the young girl in front of her.

"Captain" she nodded in greeting. "I see you've met," Wraith gestured towards the young man she recently left at the other side of the door.

Tessa gave out a small laugh, "Yes. It was… unnerving"

The secret agent nodded in understanding. She knows how Sousuke must feel, considering they both had the chance to become Chidori's guardian. It was not his fault, Wraith decided, though the anger in her heart would not disappear. "Patience. He… is terribly confused right now."

"Did you tell him then?" Kalinin asked.

"No. I promised."

The young captain sadly smiled, "It seems that we all did huh?"

"Tessa…" Wraith started, disappointment evident in her voice.

"Yes, I know."

The Intelligence officer sighed, "You did not even try to stop them," she replied, referring to the recent attack in their land base and Kaname's choice to leave.

"Their new Arm Slave…" the silver-haired captain looked down, "I had to make sure there would only be the least possible casualties…"

"We both know that's not true."

Silence.

Tessa did not even try to fight back. It seems as though even they could not hide from the truth.

Where do they go from here?

--------------------------------

In another part of the globe, deep under the world's oceans, the situation wasn't any brighter.

Chidori Kaname sighed deeply before laying down in another transparent capsule, similar to when she was first kidnapped by Gauron during her class trip. She looks straight into the bright ceiling – the white lights no longer blinding her. The blue-haired girl tried to concentrate as she felt the machine activate, but her thoughts would not stop bothering her. This… this is where the past has taken her, this is the path that the decisions she made before had led her.

Was this the right choice? Could she ever turn back?

Kaname sighed once again as her mind struggled for answers.

"Relax Kaname." A voice broke through the silence, "You're blocking us from your thoughts."

The long-haired girl shifted her eyes towards the control room where she knew Leonard was staying, "Sorry. There's been a lot on my mind lately."

"We'll finish this soon. Please be patient."

It amazes her how she could stay so civil with this young man, when all she really wants is to wring his neck and whack him with her paper fan to oblivion. But eventually, through their meetings, she learned to understand a bit about him as well.

He was a Whispered, just like her. Such extraordinary people like themselves don't only share vast knowledge, but pain as well. They both learned not to call themselves freaks. Not to curse their situation, and to make use of what they have. Before, the difference is that they wanted to use their knowledge for different purposes. But now, as she lay there letting strangers delve into her mind and what is hidden within it, she's probably no different than him at all.

In the end, someone like her would always be weak.

_Sousuke_.

She closes her eyes and lets go.

--------------------------------

_I'll wait for you. I know you'll come back to me._

--------------------------------

**Author's Note**: There, new chapter! And less confusion! Yay :) I do hope no one has given up hope on me yet.

Just to make this page look longer (wink wink) and of course, so as to show my appreciation, I decided to reply on the reviews that I've received (actually I've wanted to do this for such a long time, I just kept forgetting). Questions, comments and not-so-violent reactions are always welcome. I'm sure everyone is as confused as I am with this fic, lolz.

Prettyinpink: Thank you, for being the first to review! I do hope the next few chapters I've posted up did not disappoint you.

tidoo: Lolz, I suppose I should thank you for being "hooked"…? XD Yes yes, my chapters are short and I take forever to update, but thank you once again for reading and reviewing all the time. I really appreciate your comment about Leonard (damn, I should really read the manga soon), and I've kept it in my mind for my future chapters.

'.'.'.Jesslca'.'.'.: Although I'm still posting short chapters, I hope you still think they're "so good." Thanks for the review!

JusT LooKing ArounD: Hahaha, your first review made me laugh. I would never dream of killing Kaname… well maybe not in this fic anyway ;) Thanks for always reviewing!

Meatballheadedprincess14: Lolz, I'm quite sure you're still feeling confused when you read this chapter (just like me!), but I'm taking my time to gradually give up the secrets chapter by chapter.

RAE 66: Happy new year to you too (err… although that was a long time ago… which only goes to show how long it takes me to update, lolz).

baka 1: Even now, I can't really say when the next chapter will be up. But I do hope I did not disappoint so much in taking my time to review.

LokiGirl: Lolz, yes yes. Here we go XD Thanks for the review!

Souunga: Yup, this is my version on what happened in TSR (though I am aware that the manga has their real version as well.) Thanks for the review!

AkumakoRonso: Wah XD Yes yes, I am greedy XD I don't think I got to answer all your questions yet regarding that fog in your mind, but it will be cleared up soon in the future chapters.

skye133: Lolz, I really appreciate the praise XD But to be truthful, I've already encountered a lot of really really good FMP fics. Most of them are oneshots. They're just somewhere out there XD

Hipathya: I'll be looking forward to your FMP fanfiction :D But really, like I said, the best FMP fics are just lying around there… somewhere.

toxic element: Yay! Another fan of the hair-cutting scene! Thanks for the review!

Ninja Chic: Hahaha, yes, one of the goals I had wanted is to keep the readers guessing XD

momiji-k: Eheh, yes, short chapters XD

Aquamirra.chan: Wah, don't hurt me XD Thanks for always reviewing! Your enthusiasm is inspiring XD

Saturnblue: I'm usually an angsty person in my fiction writing… so yes, there will be conflicts, conflicts and more conflicts along the way. Everything is depressing now with Kaname and Sousuke's relationship… but it won't be someday. Maybe.

K9: Thanks for the review! Although I didn't plan in making Kaname change so much, lolz.

loaned: Thanks! I was not so sure about my idea for the fic at first, but everything seems to be going well.

And now, a **preview**! Yay!

"_Help us"_

_Her eyes narrowed in response. She had to make this real, "Why should I?"_

_He closed the distance between them and leaned to whisper in her ear. She tried not to let the proximity disgust her. "Because it would be in your best interest to have some important people stay alive."_

_Kaname's eyes widened. The images of all her loved ones flashed in her mind – her family, her friends, Sousuke… "You wouldn't dare"_

"_Stay with me forever, and everything will be alright"_

"_Bastard"_


	7. Practice

Disclaimer: Yes, I do not own Full Metal Panic

**Disclaimer:** Yes, I do not own Full Metal Panic. Though in my dreams, I'd like to pretend I do.

**Summary**: (Spoiler Warning) Her mouth stopped near his ear, and whispered ever so softly, much like the same way she did the last time Sousuke allowed her to cut his hair. "_You can't protect me forever, Sousuke._" (SousukeKaname)

-

**Save Me**

**Chapter 07 : Practice**

_By makka na yuki_

-

--

_I'll wait for you. I know you'll come back to me._

--

"The test is over, Ms. Chidori was brought to her room to rest." A man in a white laboratory coat, the head scientist in this underwater vessel, handed him a clipboard of the recently printed out data gathering experiment.

The silver-haired man browsed through the files, his mind quickly processing the meaning behind the numbers and charts. "These results…" he started to say.

"Yes" the scientist in front of him nodded in response, "it seems that we can't get anything else from her. She is stubborn, and the wall inside her head keeps us from accessing anymore data. We can increase the amount of force to-"

"No" Leonard quickly cut him off, eyes glaring darkly, "I already ordered that you are not to use anything that might endanger her mind." The Whispered man had already seen the effects of forcing the technology out of one's head. If the person is not at all willing to let others delve into his or her thoughts, then the consequences could be sever. He would never let Kaname go through that.

"But we've been doing this for a couple of weeks now ever since Ms. Chidori returned, and for that length of time, the amount of information that we are able to extract continuously decreases. It would be beneficial if we-"

"I said **no**" the long haired man stressed.

The scientist took a step back. As always, when Leonard has decided on something, no one can convince him to do anything otherwise. The head scientist sighed. It would do him no good to anger their leader. "Alright. Though as you can see, it is necessary for us to access the missing part of this technology. The data is her mind is brilliant but…"

Leonard shoved the clipboard back into the man's chest. "That is enough." The silver-haired man didn't need to hear what he already knew. Yes, they have gotten so much from the Kaname's mind. And though a large important part was missing, they already have enough to continue with the operations.

The Whispered man turned to walk out the laboratory, his smirk evident. Their success was inevitable.

--

Every time it is like this. Right after they have finished probing through her thoughts, when her mind is not anymore busy with keeping them away, the turbulent dreams would start. It would always contain a memory, sometimes about her nightmare – filled with blood and rain – other times it would be about being too late to save her friends or family. And every single time, as she sees herself hold out her hands to try to save what she can, she loses track of what is real and what is not. The dreams flash by in front of her like a movie, and even though she watches as if she were not there, she could still feel the pain beating in her chest.

After all, though each dream inherently varies from each other, it would always be something related to war.

_War_ and how it came to take everything away from her. This time was no different.

She sees herself standing in front of the Arbalest, its armor already worn off from all the fighting it had to undergo only a few moments before. _As always_, Kaname smiled at the thought, _it came out victorious_.

The pilot hatch opened, and the brown-haired man that has always haunted her dreams took a step out of the machine. She remembered this moment. It was, after all, the first step for all her dreams to break apart entirely. She already lost hope that it could ever be fixed.

She could see him clearly, remembering that expression on his face when he turned to look at her.

"_I can't come back with you"_

Kaname thought it would have been less painful if he just shot her. Anything would have been better than this. She wanted to close her eyes, but the scene in front of her continued on. She could do nothing to stop the nightmare from coming alive again and again and again.

"_What?" _she saw herself taking a step back_, _anger replacing the shock_, "but all of the Venoms here are defeated, so why –"_

He cut her off, _"Chidori."_ His reply was short and confident, just as how she had known him for so long. Though back then…back then she had the feeling that nothing could change his mind.

She couldn't find the will to speak.

And she hated herself for it.

Instead, she forced a bright smile to show that she somehow understood. This was war after all, and her protector would not dare think she belongs in this kind of battlefield.

She came to China determined to bring him back. After beating him up only a couple of hours before, she was confident that she would succeed. Kaname would never have guessed that she would come back and face the monsters by herself.

_Goodbye, Sousuke_

And she woke up.

--

The ceiling lights glared brightly at her, crushing anymore possibilities of sleeping longer. She was still tired, drained from all the mind exercise she had to agree on these past few days. Kaname Chidori brought the blanket over to her face and tried to squint her eyes shut again.

Sleep didn't come.

It was tiring to stay awake, but staying in bed after waking up did not bring her comfort. Nothing brought her comfort when staying in the enemy's submarine.

"Enemy, huh?" she questioned to no one in particular. Considering the fact that she was already collaborating with them, the term _enemy _might not be proper anymore. They were terrorists, and were out to do evil deeds. And yet she was the one who agreed to join them.

Though, it wasn't like they gave her much of a choice.

Back then, almost half a year ago, she was too busy getting depressed over not having Sousuke come back with her that she didn't notice the black-suited men boarding the plane. She was cornered even before she had the time to stand up.

This was the same as the first time she was kidnapped – taken away from the plane during the class fieldtrip. At least this time, she didn't have to show any dramatic outburst in hopes of saving anyone.

Kaname had already been forewarned about the possibilities of encountering the enemy. But this was too soon. Her emotions were all jumbled up, but back then, she forced it all down and glared right back at the silver-haired main in front of her.

What he said wasn't surprising in the least.

"_Help us"_

_Her eyes narrowed in response. She had to make this real, "Why should I?"_

_He closed the distance between them and leaned to whisper in her ear. She tried not to let the proximity disgust her. "Because it would be in your best interest to have some important people stay alive."_

_Kaname's eyes widened. The images of all her loved ones flashed in her mind – her family, her friends, Sousuke… "You wouldn't dare"_

"_Stay with me forever, and everything will be alright"_

"Bastard" she hissed at the memory. She might have said that exact word or any other curses back then, but it doesn't change the fact that she was here now.

"You wouldn't be dreaming about me right?" a voice called out. Kaname turned to her doorway to see Gauron leaning on it. "Such language doesn't fit a pretty young lady like you."

Why is it that every chance she gets to have time for herself, he comes in to ruin it? Barging into a room of a lady without even knocking, Kaname knew this guy wasn't brought up properly. But then again, what else could she ever expect from him? The blue-haired girl lifted herself up from the bed and faced her intruder.

"What do you want? I've already given you what you need for today"

Though truthfully, Kaname knew that they were having a hard time getting anymore information from her. It's not as if her conscious resistance was actually the one stopping them – although it may be a minor factor – but given the fact that her nightmares always leaves her feeling mentally weak and vulnerable, it should have been already easy to break down any defiance in her part.

Gauron grinned at her stubbornness. It was so easy to get her riled up, unlike those twins that he had to take care of before. True, their skills were valuable to his purposes, but getting killed before his plans were completed just pointed out that they were worthless. The long-haired girl in front of him did not have any physical skills or knowledge of weaponry, but that was all going to change. The dark haired man was curious to find out how long she would last in this reality she was forcefully pulled in.

He decided to answer her question. As much as he liked verbally fighting with her, he hated when she screamed directly at his ear. "The organization decided to speed things up a bit in the research department. Things are not going so well for us in the other side of the world"

Kaname raised an eyebrow, though she could almost imagine what he was really going to say. She hoped she was wrong. "…and so? You losing battles doesn't have anything to do with me."

If possible, Gauron's smirked even wider. "That is where you are wrong, little lady. Your _help_ would ensure that we won't have any future loses. We do have to get ready before your little friends come and save you."

"They won't" she answered automatically before she had time to stop herself. There were times when she wished that it wasn't so, that she would get whisked away from this hell before she falls too deep that saving her would already be impossible. But she believed… she knew that no one was going to come anytime soon.

"Oh…?" Gauron commented, "You seem so sure of yourself. What makes you say that?"

The blue-haired girl tried not to act surprised at her mistake. "I've gone to you voluntarily right in front of their eyes. Whatever relation I have with them is now gone because of… my betrayal"

Gauron frowned in disappointment. That wasn't the reply that he was expecting. "No matter, that is not why I am here now."

Kaname readied herself for what was coming.

The grin was back in the older man's face.

"Let us play a _game_, shall we? …"

--

When they decided to "speed things up", they really meant it. She only had less than half an hour to prepare – less than a day to even rest - before she found herself once again in the testing area. After situating herself inside the machine, she opened her eyes to look around the hangar. It was dark and almost empty, save from a few weapons here and there – not surprising, since this base was created especially for developing the new technology, _her _Blacktechnology. Kaname blinked a few more times to get used to the sight – it was as if she herself were inside the hangar, not the machine. The Arm Slave's body was one with her own, their senses synchronized – a new technology that was created to better suit battles and fight more efficiently.

Kaname took a deep breathe.

"_Let us play a game, shall we? A real life simulation to test the limits of our new Arm Slave"_

_Her _Arm Slave. Since the technology and data that was used to build the new machine had mostly come from her, the people in this organization thought that it was only _proper_ that she be the one to pilot it. Kaname snorted at the thought. They knew she didn't want anything to do with battles, and yet they still gave her this responsibility – something that she just couldn't refuse at this moment. It would do her no good to offer any further resistance.

On the other hand, it was almost logical that she be the one to control the machine. Not only did she know everything about it, it also fit the way she viewed war. She knew how priceless having an AS is, especially if it had special abilities such as the lambda driver. But war wasn't about AS fighting each other and blowing each other up. It was all about the pilots giving everything they got to stay alive. Having an AS destroyed only meant that the pilot was killed as well.

Kaname always thought of how things would be if it was different…

"It's nice to see you again Kaname-san" the head scientist said as he entered the room. "Now if you will get yourself ready for the simulation, then we could go right on ahead with the test."

The blue-haired girl nodded. She'd done this before, controlling the newly-developed machine around the submarine hangar. Moving it around and just perfecting her synchronization with it. It was easy, after all, the technology that was used to build it came from her. It's almost as if she was just controlling a part of her body.

The hard part comes on what she had to do. To actually use the machine to attack humans would be a first for her.

The instructions given to her was clear. "Attack a nearby navy group. You don't have to sink any ship, just give them a few warning shots. Just to test the power"

Kaname nodded again before starting up the AS. Everything seems to be functional from her point of view. The only problem was with her. She had to get herself to calm down. _It's just a test_, she tells herself. No one will get hurt. She can make sure of that.

The blue-haired girl takes one long deep breath, before opening her eyes and willing the AS to move out of the hangar. Kaname increased her speed by activating the hover pack on the back of the Arm Slave – another new technology from her – and made her way to the cliff just above the rocky waters. The ocean looked serene, but the radar of her AS has picked up movement from underwater somewhere in the east. One gigantic battle submarine, equipped with torpedo hatches in the sides and missile launchers at the top. The underwater vessel was surfacing at such a sluggish speed – no doubt trying to prevent any detection from the enemy. But it could not escape the improved radar system connected to her AS - it was as if Kaname herself could see the submarine from where she stood.

And she recognized it.

"Gauron, you bastard," she seethed.

The aforementioned person replied to her radio transmitter, almost too innocently "Yes?"

_Like someone could be tricked by that voice, _Kaname thought. "You set me up. What kind of test is this when you're asking me to fire at the Tuatha de Danaan."

"Oh, don't take that tone with me, we're both surprised," Kaname could almost imagine Gauron's smirking face as he said that, "afterall, weren't you the one who said they won't be coming after you?"

Well that was indeed true, but Kaname did not have the time to actually joke around and admit that. "Even so, the base should have already known their presence before my AS was launched, and you still let me go."

"Ah, but that doesn't change anything, little girl. You can continue the test," Gauron's voice turned playful, "or you could back-out."

As the top of the Tuatha emerged from the sea, Kaname activated her hover pack once more and jumped into the ocean below.

_As if I have a choice,_ she thought.

--

"Our sources say that the warehouses by the beachfront was constructed only this year, though there hasn't been anything out of the ordinary observed in the area," Mardukas started as the satellite image of the warehouses were projected on the screen in the Danaan control room. The old officer has stayed in the Tuatha de Danaan with a temporary commanding position while the silver-haired commander has taken care of ruckus caused by the attack of the land base and the kidnapping of one of their protected Whispered. Mardukas has met with the young Kaname Chidori many times in the past – that girl had ridden inside the submarine many times the past year – and he is determined to get back with everyone's help.

Whether she wants to come back or not is another story altogether.

Tessa, sitting in the commanding chair looked at the screen intensely before nodding at him to continue.

Adjusting his HMS cap, Mardukas continued with his report, "Even so, we have reason to believe that those warehouses serve as a temporary land base to one of Amalgam's unit groups. We have not collected adequate information as to the operations inside those warehouses, but…"

"Chidori might be in there somewhere," Sousuke finished.

The "man" beside him snorted, "Are you supposed to be in this meeting, Sergeant?"

"It's alright Wraith," Tessa countered, "he may not be part of the mission," – the brown haired man visibly stiffened at the comment – "but he has the right to know as part of this crew."

The silver-haired commander pressed a button on her seat, and a map of the warehouses and the nearby area was flashed. Labels and arrows appeared at another press of a button, presenting a summary of the battle plan and important locations. "We will begin with gathering more information first. The perceived enemy base is too close to the civilian village, so we cannot risk having a battle on land. Wraith and her team would enter the mainland through the east side, and would immediately commence operations."

The disguised agent took a step forward, and Tessa nodded, "Wraith will further explain the details to her team after this. The mission will start by sunrise tomorrow, at Wraith's command. Meeting adjourned." A few individuals, including the undercover agent, left the command control room leaving a certain brown-haired sergeant still leaning against the wall.

Minutes passed with no movement, before Tessa finally sighed. Pretending that he was not there would not make him leave – she had tried that before, but when it comes to stubbornness, Sousuke always comes out undefeasted. She had to say something, or the atmosphere would continue to be uncomfortable. Markdukas, however, beat her to it.

"Sergeant," the acting commanding officer called out, "what is it that you need?"

"Kaname is there, I am sure of it. There is no need for further information gathering, we should go with the rescue mission immediately."

Tessa shook her head before sighing again. It seems as though all reason has left the young sergeant ever since this whole ordeal with Kaname has started. "Listen to yourself Sergeant Sagara, you are not making any sense"

Sousuke quickly quieted down with the Commander's harsh reply. It was true, and he cannot find the will to deny the accusations. Kaname has been gone for only a few weeks and yet he lived everyday as if everything in his life is a mess. The brown-haired boy's mind is still a wreck – a million unanswered questions, with many more adding up day by day.

Proceed with the rescue mission? How could he suggest such a thing? Even an amateur would know that given the limited amount of data they have, going face to face with the enemy is just suicidal. Sousuke was about to apologize for his rash behavior when all the screens in the control room suddenly projected warning signs. Explosions were heard from different directions, shaking up the submarine in the process.

Mardukas immediately looked at the radar near him, "Missiles coming from all directions above us captain, the source still unidentified."

More missiles exploded at the side of the submarine.

_Then the enemy must be really here, _Tessa thought, switching to commander mode. "Find the source _immediately - _search for missile launchers on the beachfront or any ships in the vicinity. Activate the missile turrets of the Danaan to intercept anymore attacks." The lives of her crew were once again on her hands. With no enemy in sight, her strategies for battle were restricted. "Turn the engine to maximum power, we are submerging." If the enemy won't appear with this, at least they could escape.

"Give me a status of the ship." Tessa barked the command, trying to analyze the situation.

An cross-sectional image of the Danaan appeared on the main screen, with all areas lighted green, "All areas undamaged, Captain. We… have not been hit at all."

Tessa and Mardukas looked at each other, brows furrowed in confusion, not noticing a certain brown-haired boy leaving the room.

What was happening?

--

_Good good, now keep diving_, Kaname thought as she watches the Tuatha de Danaan submerge deeper into the ocean. Firing the missiles from above would certainly give an impression that the attacker was not below sea level. It would be advantageous for both Kaname and the Tuatha if they were both below the surface. The underwater currents would make attacking more difficult, especially with the limited line of sight. That way, it would be easier to make excuses as to why she couldn't land any single attack on the enemy.

She just had to pretend she wasn't doing it on purpose.

The hover pack on her AS back might have helped in flight, but it was specially designed to be effective when in the water as well – it was necessary, given that their hidden base was near the sea. Kaname trails after the Tuatha de Danaan, making sure that the distance between them is enough for her not to get detected. She fires a couple more shots which, unsurprisingly, explodes near the submarine barely grazing the exterior.

Kaname decided she should give herself a pat on the back for the perfect shots, but the feeling of having to fire at other people – especially people that she actually _knew_ was still very much unnerving. How much worse could it be during real battles, when you need to actually hit and kill those who were against you? Can you become numb to the pain and guilt of having to take ones life?

The blue-haired girl could never forget that rainy night when a sword had nearly pierced her flesh. Her attacker was skilled, and there was no hesitation in her movements. Her eyes were… blank. Kaname shudders the thought of her becoming like that – of _anyone_ becoming like that. Was Sousuke any different?

Her thoughts were interrupted when Leonard spoke through the transmitter, "I didn't expect that the new AS' accuracy to be this low, Kaname."

"Oh well you know" Kaname laughed – the same shrill laugh that made it so obvious that she was lying – though for how she can laugh at such a time was beyond her, "I haven't practice being underwater yet that much."

"I know you're lying. You are perfectly harmonized with the AS, there is no reason to miss any targets, especially as big as this submarine."

Kaname's voice turned serious, "I did not agree to this." The long-haired girl knew that rebelling right now would not help the situation at all.

"If you cannot complete the test, then we will be more than happy to attack them for you."

She remembered the reason why she rejected Gauron's suggestion to back-out before. She really had no choice.

"I understand."

--

"An unidentified AS detected a couple of miles away, Captain. It seems to be the source of all the attacks."

"Alright. Keep the speed to a maximum, we can't let it get too near."

Tessa focused on the screen in front of her, trying to figure out what the enemy is planning with this strategy of firing at them but missing. The AS is maintaining a considerable distance from the submarine, following it stealthily. They almost could not detect it from their radar. _It's as if they're just trying to make us go away, maybe they're not enemies afterall,_ Tessa thought. Maybe… maybe the one inside is… She had to make sure.

"Open a line of communication with the AS"

"Rejected, Captain. We can't get through their radio."

Warning signs suddenly projected ones again on the main screen on the control room. "Two torpedoes, Captain. Locked at the Danaan!"

"Launch our missiles to intercept them."

Explosions all around the submarine were heard once again, but this time, it felt much closer. _The enemy is getting serious_, Tessa thought worriedly. Maybe it was just toying with them all this time. And now, the real battle starts.

"Only one torpedo intercepted!"

"Hatches one, three and eight destroyed Captain!"

"Sector five of the submarine hit! Walls automatically drawn down to prevent water in the passageways."

Warning levels continued to increase, and Tessa tightened her grip on her seat. Such damage from only one attack. If the previous missiles had hit them before, they would be surely sinking now.

"Captain, requesting permission to fight," Sousuke's voice boomed through the intercom. The silver-haired captain stopped herself from immediately denying his request. The attacks would surely continue, and she can't risk the submarine to accumulate any more damage as it is. A lot of lives are at stake. But to use Sergeant Sagara as bait so that they can escape? How could they leave him behind?

Mardukas answered for her, "Permission granted, Sergeant"

Tessa looked at her subordinate officer in confusion. "Compose yourself, Captain Testarossa. This is not like you."

A couple of seconds passed before the braid-haired girl nodded and reassumed her stance. What was she thinking? She knew there was no time to have doubts, especially in the midst of battle. Her speculations would be left unanswered – there was no way to find out if Kaname was the one piloting the AS. And given the situation, they can't do anything about it if ever it was true.

Tessa hardened her resolve, "Launch the Arbalest, and prepare for escape."

--

She fell roughly on the sea floor, and if the darkness wasn't enough to scare the hell out of her, it would be the glaring eyes of the AS on top of her preventing her movement.

Even though her attacks directly impacted the submarine, Kaname still made sure not to give any lasting damage. Targeting the interceptor hatches was easy enough – it was far away from the residential area of the submarine, and the crew could replace those parts in a short amount of time.

But when she detected the Arbalest coming right at her at full speed, the blue-haired girl just lost all thought altogether. _He wasn't supposed to come out_, Kaname thought, _they were supposed to go away and she shouldn't need to fight anyone in close battle_.

But then again, Sousuke always found ways to surprise her, and locking her AS at the bottom of the sea was no exception. Kaname lost her AS' gun when Arbalest directly hit her with its body, and she couldn't find the will to move and stab him away. Sousuke, however, seemed to have other plans.

The Arbalest started to punch the AS below it, trying to stop its movements permanently. And Kaname felt as if she was the one being hit. Amidst the struggle, she tries to keep her eyes open, only to find glaring lights and the metallic fist that keeps hitting and hitting her AS.

Kaname couldn't move.

--

Leonard was alerted by the warning signals from the machines. "What's happening?" he said as he looked at the screens in the laboratory. Kaname's brain signals were going haywire. "What's wrong with her?"

The head scientist hesitated before answering,"Her brain waves started to become unstable when she met up with the Arbalest."

No further explanations were necessary. The silver-haired man knew what this meant. Kaname still has not let go. There was nothing else he could do at this point, "Cancel the operation. Detonate the experimental AS."

A large explosion reverberated around the sea floor, throwing off the Arbalest. Pieces of the lost AS floated around. _The pilot self-detonated,_ Sousuke's eyes widened at the thought, not paying attention to how damaged his own AS is.

--

At the same moment of the explosion, Kaname Chidori opened her eyes to the glaring lights of the laboratory situated somewhere in the hidden enemy land base. The capsule that encased her body throughout the entire test opened, and she tried to sit up while regaining her focus. Having been forcefully cut off from her mind connection from the AS she was piloting a distance away, she was still left dizzy.

Even though she was not exactly inside the AS, there was one thought that she couldn't shake off.

Sousuke tried to kill her. Again.

--

_What is it that keeps me from giving up?_

--

**Author's Note**: Kaname's dream in the beginning might not make that much sense to those who haven't finished watching the Second Raid of the animation. (Insert Spoiler alert here) After Sousuke left Kaname in Japan without any message at all to where he was going or when he would be back, Kaname got help from Wraith to take her to China, where the battle is mainly being held. She meets up with Sousuke, and after bashing him a little, encourages him to fight and win. This is where I enter the picture and change everything. Instead of coming back with Kaname, Sousuke (in this fanfiction) decides to stay and continue on with his missions in Mithril, until eventually, he does come back anyway.

And yes, I do take an impossible length of time to update, but do bare with me, I am determined to finish this. Battles are just not my thing. As it is, I spend almost forever going through the previous chapters just to check if there are any inconsistencies. I already have an ending in mind, but the path towards that is still unclear.

Well, that's just me. I thank those who have been patient this far.


	8. Escape I

**Disclaimer:** Yes, I do not own Full Metal Panic. Though in my dreams, I'd like to pretend I do.

**Summary**: (Spoiler Warning) Her mouth stopped near his ear, and whispered ever so softly, much like the same way she did the last time Sousuke allowed her to cut his hair. "_You can't protect me forever, Sousuke._" (SousukeKaname)

-

**Save Me**

**Chapter 08 : Escape, Part I**

_By makka na yuki_

-

* * *

_What is it that keeps me from giving up?_

* * *

-

It was unfair.

For the past years, she lived a normal life - entering high school, making new friends, experiencing common problems of school and adolescence. When she was suddenly thrown into the world of terrorists and Whispered beings, her view of reality became jumbled. There were so many things that she was not aware of - so many things that she shouldn't have known. Whilst she lived happily, how many people were dying on the other side of the world? How many wars were started, how many lives were lost, how many innocent civilians had given up hope?

Given this, she didn't find it surprising that Leonard's scientists discovered something unique by delving into her mind - the possibility of creating an Arm Slave that allows the pilot to control it from a large distance away. Her unconsciousness must have somehow integrated her thoughts with the Black Technology embedded in her. It is said that the talents and skills that come about a Whispered are usually very much related to their desires.

"_This is…?" she began, eyes looking hopeful, not showing how the guilt is slowly killing her inside._

"_A way to save everyone. Will you stay?"_

"… _Yes"  
_

She wanted to make the idea a reality. Kaname knew that she could not stop all the wars from occuring, and that she could not stop all the deaths. But if she could lessen the number of soldiers from dying - people who also had loved ones to protect - maybe she could at least make a difference. This way, she could prevent Sousuke and the others from losing their lives as well.

"_Was it frightening, the first time you killed someone?" she asked warily._

_His voice held no remorse, "I… can't remember."_

Fighting was inevitable, everyone knew that. But she never stopped trying to find another way.

And this was it. Having to operate the new AS prototype was something she knew she had to do even before it was created. The possibility of having to fight the crew of the Tuatha de Danaan was an idea that entered her thoughts countless times, but doing so very soon did not give her that much time to mentally prepare herself.

"_Excellent work, Chidori! You've synchronised perfectly with the AS"_

_She tried to smile._

There was nothing wrong with the AS during the experiment. Even with the damage it attained from the Arbalest's attacks, everything was still functioning perfectly. The only problem was with her, and her inability to keep her mind in check. She was already able to undergo numerous simulations before, but this was the first time that she had to come face to face with someone she actually knew.

And it scared her.

Even if she was kilometers away from the true battle, even if she couldn't feel the damage that was brought upon the Arm Slave, she could still feel as if she was the one dying. Her sight was the same as that of the machine, and seeing Sousuke attacking her with all his might frightened her.

"So this is war" she thinks to herself in the midst of panic.

At least, she thought, Sousuke still wouldn't hold back to protect what was important to him, what was important to them. The crew of the Tuatha de Danaan had become her second family during the past few months.

She hopes Sousuke wouldn't find out about this. That if she were inside the machine, he would have killed her already.

But they could not risk having the other side find out how far they have gone with the research. That was probably why Leonard decided to blow it up. It was clear how she already lost when she froze up in the middle of the fight. If things continued on, the Arbalest would simply keep on attacking her until Sousuke realizes that she was not responding. There was a very high probability that he would then take the AS hostage and bring it to the submarine base – a common battle strategy, and the best way to get information about her whereabouts.

The blue-haired girl was sure that the crew of the Danaan still did not know who they were fighting against and whether she was there or not.

Kaname took a deep breathe before stepping in the now empty laboratory room.

It was time to change things.

-

* * *

-

"… enemy Arm Slave detonated. Pieces of the machine floated around the area, but the pilot cockpit was nowhere to be found. We brought back what we can, and the scientists have already started working on it. However, they do not seem optimistic that the pile of metal would bring any advantages on our part." Wraith closed the file folder as she finished her report.

The silver-haired captain leaned her chin on her hands for a moment before responding, "Do you think…?" She left the question hanging.

As if reading her thoughts, Kalinin automatically replied beside her, "Yes, this seems to be the new Arm Slave that we've been hearing about."

Wraith nodded, "We have identified it as the _KCX-4 Ukiyo_. They've completed the model, though from the results of the battle, we can say that they still have to add a lot of improvements."

_Ukiyo_. A fleeting life. A sad world. Something that everyone in her field would know very well. It's a fitting name for their current situation, Wraith thought, almost smiling.

"True, it is a complicated weapon. I do not think they can ever finish it." _I want to believe that they would not finish it at all. At least not before the war is over. _Tessa gave out a long sigh as she tried to remember what had transpired only a few hours before. The Tuatha was able to escape in one piece, with the damages only requiring minor repairs. The crew thought it was some sort of miracle that they've survived, given the anonymity and strength of the enemy.

The silver-haired girl knew better. She looked up at the occupants in the room, her eyes hardening as she remembered an important detail. "There was something wrong with the battle that Sousuke fought. Did you see how the Ukiyo just stopped moving? Even with that single attack, it shouldn't have acquired that much damage to stop functioning."

Wraith almost snorted, "And that young boy did not even take time to notice and stop attacking."

"His mind is very unstable, we are all aware of it." Kalinin answered, choosing his words carefully. "The unknown enemy gave him a chance to release his anger."

The silence that came after only revealed everyone's agreement on the matter. Anyone would be blind not to notice the sudden change in demeanor in the brown-haired sergeant when his former charge was captured by the enemy. Throughout the many days that have passed, Sousuke has immersed himself in training and going through every mission just to get any clue of Kaname's whereabouts. Now that they have a lead…

"Kaname was not able to talk with him properly," Tessa started, "He wants answers."

"So do we," Wraith interjected. She looked at the report papers that she read only minutes before. Hesitantly, she started to speak, "About the KCX-4 Ukiyo, do you think the pilot…?"

The silver-haired captain looked at her commanding officer. Kalinin nodded, reading the question in her eyes. "Yes, Kalinin and I believe that Ms. Chidori was the one piloting the AS."

"…What?" a lone voice whispered from the doorway. The room's occupants suddenly turned their head at the question, surprised that they did not notice the new presence. Tessa's eyes widened. He was not supposed to find out.

Sousuke took one small step into the room, leaning against the wall as if not trusting himself to be able to stand properly, "The one I had been fighting against… was Kaname?" The wounds on his arms and chest that he had acquired from the explosion did not seem to matter anymore – he could only feel his heart shattering once again.

They could not hide it any longer. Wraith looked up and answered in a straight voice, "Yes, our sources say that the enemy Arm Slave, now identified as the Ukiyo, was created to be piloted by Ms. Kaname Chidori"

"… And the explosion…?"

"Self-detonation, Sergeant" Kalinin answered, his eyes betraying what he felt. The young boy should not have found out this way, not until they could explain it to him properly. The old commanding officer knew that guilt would wrack Sousuke's being to the very core. "You, who have gone through so many battles, should know this as well."

The brown-haired sergeant slid down the wall in a daze. His trembling hands moved to cover his face as his eyes widened in panic. Were the gods taunting him? She was assigned to be under his protection, and even then, so many months before, she had gotten hurt because of his mistakes. How much pain had he caused? He shot her only a few weeks before and now… now…

"_Tell me, Sousuke, what is it that you fear?" She had asked once, her eyes bright with mischief._

"_I would prefer losing in battle than get hit by your paper fan, Ms. Chidori," he answered in a serious voice, but the small grin he gave her did not go unnoticed._

_She whacked him then – hadn't he just told her he didn't like it? – and moved to exit her apartment, him following suit._

_The young sergeant looked at the back of his charge as the distance grew between them. How could he tell her, more than anything else in the world, that if she were to disappear, he would lose all meaning to keep on going?_

_And so he followed, just like always, eyes darting side to side to be better prepared for what the future may bring._

_How would she react, to know that he could not let her go?_

Sousuke closed his eyes as the memories flooded back. It was always overwhelming – thoughts of her consumed him every single day. And even if he dies when he remembers everything that he had done wrong, he clings to the memories as if to pretend that he had not lost hope. And now she's dead. _Gone_. _To a place that even he could not reach. _And for sure he could not blame anyone but himself.

The brown-haired boy looked at his quivering hands, regretting the adrenaline rush that passed through his body when he fought with the new enemy… What was Kaname thinking during her last few moments? What had pushed her to destroy herself? What if…

A slap pulled him back to reality.

"She is not dead."

Sousuke brought a hand to his stinging cheek, and looked up surprised. Can it be true?

Wraith took a step back to let the young man gather his bearings back. She glared as the sergeant who pushed himself up to stand. The undercover agent pinched the bridge of her nose to ward of the headache. It seems as if she always needed to punch the living daylights out of this young man to stop him from being an idiot. What exactly had Kaname seen in this man?

"W-What?" Sousuke asked, confused and yet hopeful.

_Shit_. Wraith mentally cursed. How was she supposed to answer that?

Tessa's voice interrupted the silence. Seeing Sousuke's reaction convinced her on what the next course of action should be, "The pilot cockpit was not found among the wreck. We could conclude that… the pilot, if it ever was Ms. Chidori, had escaped long before the explosion was set."

Sousuke's eyes perked up at the new information. Yes, it all made sense. He distinctly remembered how the enemy AS stopped moving in the midst of battle. Kaname might have gotten out before he turned berserk on her! He had to find out.

Sousuke fixed his stance and saluted at his commanders.

"Permission to speak, Captain" He might be rejected again, but he had nothing to lose for trying.

"Permission granted, Sergeant. What is it?" Kalinin answered warily.

"We should continue with the original plan of infiltrating the enemy base," Sousuke started, preparing himself for the commander's answer, "Even if Kaname is not there," he resisted the urge to gulp before continuing, "the information we could gather is still important."

Tessa smiled. The current situation should be changed, and soon. "You've read my mind, Sergeant."

-

* * *

-

When she joined the Intelligence Division, Kaname _believed_ it was the best decision she could ever make. For herself, for everyone around her. It was not like she had no other choice but to say yes – her life was not _that_ dramatic. She was ready to reject the deal, and she knew they wo­uld let her go without any questions.

"_He is in the middle of a mission… but with our help, you can meet up with him."_

But then she was just too stubborn to let matters be.

"_You're a valuable asset now to this organization, more than you ever were when you were still under our protection."_ She could not remember who spoke these words – it could have been a high official in the Intelligence Division, or a lowly staff in the Tuatha. Kaname found that she didn't care. Back then, she didn't care at all.

"_I am… not a burden anymore?"_

"_Yes. You are fighting with us now."_

It didn't take much to convince herself that she was doing the right thing. _This is right, she tells herself, this should be. _After all, there was no Sousuke beside her to remind her how dangerous it would be, that whatever trouble she comes in contact with, he would not be there to save her. That was why she needed to see him, and take him away from war and back to her side – the place where he belonged.

"_We will let you see him… but for a price."_

Yes, it was simply that easy, Kaname thought as she stretched on her bed. Of course, things would've been a _hell _lot easier if Sousuke came back with her after all the trouble she had to go through just to bring him back to the senses. Wraith mentioned how close he was to letting himself get killed in China.

_Wraith's disbelieving tone when Kaname got back, "You're… alone"_

Everything was still worth it, she tells herself.

And yet she was still here, in enemy territory. The irony was not lost to her.

The door to her room slid open, disturbing her thoughts. She did not need to look up to see who was on the other side. There was only one person in this base who did not know the meaning of knocking.

"Your show with the new ArmSlave was of great help. We couldn't have gotten any more accurate data from it."

"It was not a problem at all," she answered almost happily, but inside, she was a wreck. Piloting that damned thing almost made her go crazy.

Gauron smirked, "But…I'm disappointed that you gave up so easily little girl"

The blue-haired girl sat up on her bed, and glared at the intruder to hide her wariness. Surely they couldn't have found out about her plans, "What the hell do you want now Gauron?"

He laughed, the same laugh she had learned to hate so much in all the months of her stay here, "Now now, don't get on your panties too tight.."

She almost growled at the comment. Of all the damn perverted things this man could say…

"… I was merely complimenting your achievements so far. Your mind is such a valuable asset."

"_You're a valuable asset now to this organization"_

The light dimmed from her eyes. She was just a tool afterall.

_Oh Sousuke…_

The blue-haired girl fisted the microchip hidden in the pocket of her pants, waiting for the right moment. She needed to get away soon. But it seems as if, whereever she would go, people did not see her as a human being. Not as long as she is a Whispered.

A flash of pain shot through her head, as she fell to the ground kneeling. _It's happening again_, Kaname thought.

Gauron, who had been previously smirking at her unresponsiveness, took a step forward, as if concerned. Leonard would flip if he found out that the terrorist did something to upset the girl.

Kaname grabbed her head to keep the pain from worsening. Any time now…

Gauron made a move to come closer, but stopped when he heard an explosion not too far away. He ran outside the room and barked at a soldier to give him a report of the situation.

"The machines in the laboratories have exploded sir! The team has been dispersed to keep the fire from spreading"

"The cause?"

"Still unknown, Sir. But the Tuathe de Danaan has been spotted entering our territorial waters again just a few minutes ago"

The old terrorist cursed. He looked back at the room to find the girl still huddled on the ground before deciding to run towards the control room. If they had to prepare for battle, so be it.

Kaname looked up to see herself alone, the pain on her head almost fading.

It was time to move.

She grinned.

-

* * *

_Catch me… so that I may let myself fall._

* * *

-

**Author's Note**: Part I of original eighth chapter, so it came out short. The second part… I still have to work on a few problematic parts to fit the plot. And I figured I should stop trying to lengthen the chapters too much – it's really not just my thing. Right, I should stop with the excuses.

Ah, is it just me, or is everything moving a little bit too fast? The number of chapters have multiplied to a little bit more than I had planned (and yes, when I say _planned_, that meant back in those days, oh so long ago, when I started the story… and lookie! It's still not done!).

The number of reviews so far is a little bit disappointing – am I doing something wrong and you guys just not telling me what? Lolz. In any case, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. Things are finally moving forward!


	9. Escape II

**Disclaimer:** Yes, I do not own Full Metal Panic. Though in my dreams, I'd like to pretend I do.

**Summary**: (Spoiler Warning) Her mouth stopped near his ear, and whispered ever so softly, much like the same way she did the last time Sousuke allowed her to cut his hair. "_You can't protect me forever, Sousuke._" (SousukeKaname)

-

**Save Me**

**Chapter 09 : Escape, Part II**

_By makka na yuki_

-

* * *

_Catch me… so that I may let myself fall._

* * *

-

A young brown-haired man entered the market, the place brimming with people moving about noisily. He adjusted the pack on his back, feeling uncomfortable under the heat of the midday sun. Sousuke would have preferred to wear a cloak so that people won't have to stare at his face, but such an attire would just be screaming "spy!" at anyone who would look closer.

His eyes darted from side to side, taking note of his comrades both hidden in the dark alleyways and mingling with the crowd. The large number of people in the area was to their advantage – no one would notice that many "strangers" have entered the town. Afterall, this area was somewhat at the edge of the country. Information stated that visitors did not come often, much less _many_ visitors all at once. That was another thing that made the warehouses so suspicious – who would build a storage place somewhere so far off the map?

_Someone who was trying to hide something_, Sousuke thought.

The young sergeant moved forward, looking at the products being sold as if interested. He glances to the right a few feet way, and meets the eyes of a particular undercover agent. _Don't do anything stupid again, you idiot boy, _he could almost imagine her saying. It's amazing at how, with a fake male body on, Wraith could still mix well with the crowd.

Sousuke sighed. He was never good with people.

_Kaname tried to teach me the proper ways, but…_ his mind wandered. He shook his head, trying to dispel the thoughts.

He was stopped in his tracks by a loud booming voice, though with the noise of the marketplace, only the nearby people would have heard. "Well hello there young man, would you care to buy any of my produce?" an old bearded man asked while standing behind a table full of vegetables.

Sousuke tried to give his best smile – _must be polite_ – before shaking his head and replying, "No, but thank you. I'm only looking around for the moment."

The old man laughed, "No problems there. Say, I don't think I've seen you in this part of town yet. You new here or something?"

"Yes" the brown-haired agent replied automatically, mentally reviewing the script he had memorized a few minutes ago, "I'm travelling with a couple of friends when we encountered this village. We'll be heading east tomorrow."

"That's too bad then," the old man frowned, "I best be seeing you later," he winked.

Sousuke grinned as well, "Alright. I promise to get back to your stall when I need vegetables anytime soon," The young agent bowed before walking away. Wraith fell into step beside him and inquired about the conversation.

"No problems here" Sousuke replied, almost irritated. Since his return from the long six-month mission, Wraith had always questioned his abilities during operations. True, he failed in protecting Kaname – wasn't he already doing his best to rectify that mistake, damn it – but that just encouraged him to work harder in saving her. _If_ she wanted to be saved…

Wraith snorted at his tone, and walked away in silence. The brown-haired agent sighed before turning to the other direction to continue his mission. Neither noticed the grim look that replaced the smiling face of the old vendor just a few stalls away.

A man in a cloak appeared in the shadows right behind the vegetable stall. The old bearded vendor pretended to rearrange his vegetables as he whispered, "They have no idea that we're on to them. I did not expect Mithril's defenses to be this weak."

The cloak man's eyes narrowed, before laughing, "That's just like them to make this kind of mistake. That's the only reason why it was so easy to steal the little miss away."

"About _her_… I heard something went wrong in the base. What are our orders?"

The cloaked man looked around the other vendors in the area, counting the number of agents at his disposal. Almost _everyone_ in this town is under their command - that was something the enemy failed to take note of. The Mithril soldiers have dug their own graves, _but_…

Gauron removed the hood covering his face, as he squinted towards the blue-haired girl only a few meters away.

"Do not interfere. The boss has a plan."

-

* * *

-

Kaname pushed through the people in the populated marketplace, struggling to just keep her balance. Where did all these people come from? And why did it seem like everyone was staring at her?

The blue-haired girl shook her head. The crushing pain she experienced moments before in the enemy base had already disappeared, but the dizziness and nausea that it brought was still in effect. Add to that the heat of the sun… she simply couldn't trust any of her senses now. It was almost a miracle that she got out of the storage houses. The bombs she set off at the laboratory were not only meant to destroy all information related to the new experiment, it also successfully attracted all the attention away from her. All the time she spent memorizing the ups and downs of the base proved to her advantage as she easily exited the establishment.

Now, her only problem was how to get away.

She had to move before she starts to attract too much attention in the middle of the crowd – bumping into people already awarded her with glares and curses. Kaname had no idea which part of Japan – _was she even still in the country?_ – that Amalgam brought her to. Sure, she was athletic, but that could not guarantee that she could survive travelling in the desert alone or swimming the ocean.

_Damn it_, Kaname cursed in her head. She was too caught up trying to think of ways to escape the building that she didn't really plan on what to do after that. She didn't even have time to steal a phone or any weapons on her way out. Maybe she should have allotted more time thinking things through, but the situation simply demanded that she get away now. She couldn't stomach the idea of attacking her friends anymore.

She was sure that all the exits would have been heavily guarded by now. Someone should have already noticed that she had disappeared from her room. The long-haired girl did not want to think about what would happen to her if she was caught again. Leonard was fairly civil with her, but after this…

Well, it was not the right time to think about these things.

She took another step forward, only to bump into another person again. Kaname tried to stop the curse from coming out of her mouth when she realized that the person she collided with had his large burly hand around her arm. She turns around, ready to fight off her attacker, and her eyes widened in surprise.

She never expected to be caught like this.

-

* * *

-

Sousuke continued to walk around the town, having left the buzzing marketplace a few minutes ago. The number of people has dwindled to almost zero, except for the occasional drunkard or homeless sleeping at the side of the streets. The other houses in the village looked almost too old and deserted, as if people have not lived in them for years. But that's not possible, _right_? There should be no reason to be suspicious.

"She's dead" said a voice hiding behind the shadows of an alley. It was whispered almost too softly that anyone with an untrained hearing would have missed it.

But Sousuke was anything but untrained. _No, _he can't believe that_. Not again_. His thoughts were troubled, but he forced himself to concentrate. He immediately drew out his gun. They were caught, that was for sure. How many enemies were surrounding him now? Should he call for reinforcements?

A lone man wearing a cloak stepped out from the shadows and grinned at him.

If he was any lesser of a man, Sousuke would have fainted right then and there. _How many times_ does he actually need to kill this person so that he will _stay_ dead?

"Gauron" he said calmly.

The old terrorist laughed. "You seem to look fine, but I can almost imagine what's going on in your head again."

Sousuke almost growled at the insult. Of course he wasn't feeling well – he held on to every negative feeling that came his way after he rejected Kaname's offer to go back to Japan. If only he had the guts to throw his mission away back then, maybe all this would have been different. She wouldn't be in harm's way, and he wouldn't be struggling to find her.

"You're lying" the young agent replied. Gauron had lied to him before back in China. He won't be fooled for the second time.

Gauron laughed again, "Believe what you want then," he said before disappearing into the shadows. Sousuke ran after him, but found that the alleyway was deserted. In fact, he realized as he moved back to his original location, all the townspeople have disappeared. His comrades were also gone. Were they captured?

"Sergeant Sagara" a voice communicated in his earpiece. He almost forgot he was wearing one, "An order for retreat has been issued. Go back _now"_

What was happening? Why was the mission being aborted? Was Kaname truly dead?

The young agent ran back towards the designated place of departure. It seems he would be always left in the dark.

-

* * *

-

What greeted him back in the Tuatha was something he never would've expected. Not that any of his expectations have been coming true these past few days…

Kaname's bright brown eyes stared back at him as they stood in front of the commander's door. Sousuke didn't have the time to ask questions when he was immediately led to the commanders waiting room. He was already dreading the worst, but now that he is sure that Kaname is back and alive, the young agent couldn't help but give out a sigh of relief. Wraith looked at him for a moment, before nodding to the secretary to inform the commander that they have arrived.

There was another problem at hand though. Kaname Chidori had clearly betrayed them. What would Mithril do? True, he did not have the obligation to protect the Whispered girl anymore, but he couldn't help but be worried about what punishment awaited the blue-haired girl. Will they go easy on her? Or will they torture her to get any information, just like what they have done to captured enemies?

It was the same situation back in the interrogation room all over again.

The door opened, and they were led inside. This was it. He was going to give her away to the agency, and they will lock her up for good. He couldn't, wouldn't do anything... trying to defend her would only endanger more lives. She betrayed their trust, _his_ trust…

"Kaname Chidori, Commander," he said, voice not cracking. "A traitor"

The blue-haired girl only sighed at the last word. He just _had to_ say that didn't he?

Kaname looked at Tessa, and the young Commander nodded her head.

The blue-haired girl fixed her form and saluted. Sousuke was surprised at the act, why was Chidori greeting like a soldier? He noticed Wraith was smiling sadly beside him. What was going on?

Tessa's voice broke through his confusion.

"Thank you. You've done a very good job… Kaname"

-

* * *

_Tell me… Would you have done everything to bring me back?_

* * *

-

**Author's Note**: Right, I should stop with all the notes at the end of the story and just focus on continuing the story. Ahem. The next chapter should prove to be interesting, ne? (insert wink here). lol. Tell me what you guys think. Any suggestions or clarifications are still very much welcome.

Many thanks to Langus for pointing out a typo.


	10. Redemption

**Disclaimer:** Yes, I do not own Full Metal Panic. Though in my dreams, I'd like to pretend I do.

**Summary**: (Spoiler Warning) Her mouth stopped near his ear, and whispered ever so softly, much like the same way she did the last time Sousuke allowed her to cut his hair. "_You can't protect me forever, Sousuke._" (SousukeKaname)

-

**Save Me**

**Chapter 10 : Redemption**

_By makka na yuki_

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* * *

_Tell me… Would you have done everything to bring me back?_

* * *

-

_"__**Thank you**__. You've done a very good job… __**Kaname**__"_

It was not real.

They were all just ganging up on him, and lying to his face. What else could explain everything that has happened up until this moment? It was already complicated as it is – Kaname joined forces with the enemy, and he was here to save her and bring her back to her senses. Mind control, threats or bribery – every single justification as to why she went to the other side was acceptable.

But not this. _Never_ this. Who could he blame now? To think that she entered this kind of world – the very same one he had worked so hard to prevent her from knowing – _willingly_ and in her own accord was crazy.

_She_ was crazy.

The other occupants in the room seemed to have forgotten about him as they continued on with their conversation.

"Yes, I found it suspicious as well that they let me leave just like that." The blue-haired girl said, recalling her recent endeavor while in enemy hands. True, she had a difficult time planning her escape - stealing bomb parts and learning where to actually detonate it had not been simple – but everything seemed to go perfectly after that.

It was really too suspicious.

"Especially since you carried a microchip of the latest data regarding the new Arm Slave" Tessa replied while examining the said chip on her hands. Kaname had stolen the important data before she bombed the laboratory. That way, they could ensure that the enemy would not be able to use the new technology against them again. The prototype had self-detonated – her brother should really stop blowing up things like that – and the creation of a new one would surely take up more than a few months. It would at least give Mithril time to prepare. Amalgam surely would not stay quiet after this. "It was a good thing that agent Wraith found you first"

The undercover agent laughed, "I was surprised that Ms. Chidori recognized me at all." Wraith then frowned before continuing with her report, "Sergeant Sagara reported that he had encountered Gauron on the way back to the base," she said grimly, _To think that the bastard was still alive._ "There is a big possibility that they have plans as to why they allowed her to escape. On the other hand, it is also likely that they simply made a mistake somewhere along the line."

Tessa nodded. She turned her head back to the blue-haired girl, "Do you think anyone would have helped you escape?"

"No" Kaname replied immediately. She really didn't have to think about it. The scientists, staff, and technicians - everyone in the enemy base was just being polite to her because of Leonard's orders. But she knew that they harbored ill feelings towards her for making the experiment last too long, "I set the bomb by myself. No one could have predicted when it would explode. And I was not exactly popular back there."

"Hmmm, you seem to be quite adept with those kinds of weapons, huh Ms. Chidori?" Wraith commented scratching her chin. The young girl was always full of surprises.

Kaname stuck her tongue out at the undercover agent, clearly understanding what she was pointing out, "Ordering me to bomb Sousuke's apartment before was actually helpful, in a way. I understood the detonation process perfectly."

"Well, given your knowledge, it's no surprise you pick up on those things quickly" Wraith replied, her eyes darting towards the silent man in the room, "Speaking of a certain apartment-owner…"

All pairs of eyes looked at him, and Sousuke could only blink in response. What was he supposed to say…? Everything was starting to make sense… and yet, the situation still confused the hell out of him. Why was he the only one who didn't know? He was the closest Mithril agent to her, knowing everything about her lifestyle and attitude. Did six months of being away changed things so much? Was someone out there punishing him for leaving the person he _promised_ to protect?

Kaname sensed the tension building inside the young sergeant, "Sousuke" she started, "Maybe I should explain-"

Sousuke cut in before she could finish, "Commander" he saluted, not wanting to hear anything more from the long-haired girl. He needed to organize his thoughts, lest he do something that he would be guilty of. Heaven knows he already can't take any more mistakes, "May I be excused? I will start working on the report regarding the latest mission."

Tessa looked at Kaname, before nodding sadly at the young boy, "Permission to leave granted, Sergeant. I expect that report before the end of the day." The silver-haired girl thought it best that Sousuke focus on work at the moment. It was clear he wasn't ready to hear them out. She watched the brown-haired boy leave the room.

"I apologize, Chidori," the young commander said softly, "Maybe we should have told him about this…"

Kaname shook her head before smiling, "It's alright Tessa. I was the one who asked you not to say anything to him."

"You should go talk to him soon Ms. Chidori," Wraith interjected. Everyone in the Tuatha knew how devastated Sousuke was when Kaname was _captured_ by the enemy.

The blue-haired girl nodded in reply. She would stop being selfish and tell Sousuke everything that happened when he was away. Kaname thought she at least owed him that. It seems keeping this secret from him did nothing to help their situation. She would face him and give all the information she is allowed to release.

If only he would look at her again.

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* * *

-

Kaname opened her eyes and stared at the dark ceiling. She didn't have problems sleeping before in the Tuatha de Danaan, but the guilt gnawing at her insides did nothing to ease the tension in her heart. Her eyes darted towards the digital clock at the side of her bed, the blinking red numbers denoting that it would be long before the sun would rise.

The blue-haired girl climbed out of bed and stretched. Since she wouldn't be able to sleep, she might as well try to relax by going around the submarine. The underwater vessel definitely had a different feel compared to that of Leonard's submarine. This place had been her home, and it still carried the warmth that she so dearly missed.

Kaname fixed her hair and clothing before stepping outside the almost deserted hallways. She sighed_, _knowing full well that only a few people would be awake at this hour, but she hoped for some kind of companion at least.

She takes a step forward, not really planning any destination in mind. Kaname closes her eyes and let's her thoughts wander to a time almost a year back when her life changed.

"_He has a mission in China. We will permit you see him but we need something of yours in return."_

It was naïve of her to think that they would not expect anything from her for what she was asking. China was in the middle of conflict back then. Of course, it won't be easy to send a civilian like her into the country just for some personal agenda.

"_You want money? Of course I don't have that!" _Kaname had screamed indignantly. She smiled at the memory of her rashness. That never did her any good.

The blue-haired girl remembered the look on Wraith's face back then. She had forced the undercover agent to introduce her to the higher-ups so that she would be able to see Sousuke. It was evident now what trouble she had caused her new friend.

_Wraith looked uncomfortable, even with her mask on. Her eyes darted between the long-haired girl and the man in the suit. The male officer adjusted his glasses before continuing, "Leonard Testarossa has developed a rather strange interest for you."_

"_What do you want me to do about it?"_

"_Work for him. And for us as well."_

"_A double agent…?" _

What could she say to that? Given the present situation, her answer had obviously been an affirmation. But she had not been thinking clearly at that moment – the consequences of her actions did not seem so important back then. Seeing Sousuke was her priority, and she was going to do everything to make that happen.

But she wasn't totally stupid, Kaname snorted at the thought. She knew at the very least what she was getting into – the risks of being a double agent was easy to comprehend.

Every moment was simply a life and death situation.

Kaname wasn't some masochist – hell she hated pain even if she unconsciously whacks people with her paper fan. But Sousuke leaving for war and not mentioning it to her made her realize many important things. There was another life aside from hers – something more dangerous and vile than she could ever imagine. And that's the life that Sousuke, Mao, Kurz, Tessa and her other new-found friends have known all their lives.

It wasn't fair that she was the only one that's different.

"Well, I don't exactly envy their lives," Kaname tells herself. She wrinkled her nose at the idea of actually loving war and death. "But it's just not logical that I be shunned from their world when they were the ones who were doing everything to keep me from harm."

"There's an irony there, if you think about it," a voice disrupted her musings. Kaname turned around to see Kalinin smiling at her. She didn't notice she had spoken out loud.

"Good morning, Kalinin-san. I didn't think you would be awake at this hour."

"I'm a light sleeper. And I couldn't just leave a young girl alone in this big boring submarine. May I invite you for a cup of coffee, and maybe some breakfast?"

Kaname laughed at the invitation, remembering the good old days when she was forced to suffer under the old man's cooking. "The coffee would be most welcome," she replied grinning.

-

* * *

-

Kaname enjoyed the aroma of the hot drink before taking a small sip.

"You have something you needed to ask," Kalinin said, breaking the silence. It was more of a statement than a question, and Kaname wondered how she ever survived this far when she was so transparent with her thoughts.

The blue-haired girl stared at her cup for a moment before answering the old man's question in front of her, "Did I do the right thing? Should I have told him the truth?"

He did not pause. "It is not your obligation. He wouldn't have understood"

In a way, she expected that kind of answer. But will her relationship with Sousuke all just come down to this? An _obligation_? They were friends, and even up 'til now she thought of him like that. "He is still my protector"

Again, Kalinin answered without hesitation. "He wouldn't be, if he wasn't ordered to"

Kaname cringed. There it was again – _obligation, duty, orders… _"You wouldn't know that."

"I actually do. In fact, if I remember correctly, he didn't exactly have any hesitations when he left you to go to China more than a half a year ago"

Kaname's eyes darkened at the memory.

"And," the old man continued, "he also did not carry any doubts about staying there and leaving you behind."

Despite the negative feelings swirling inside her, Kaname gave out a small laugh. "I'm surprised you're not exactly defending him."

Kalinin leaned back on his chair, arms crossed, "I'm simply telling the truth. I think that's what's important for our situation."

_The truth, huh?_ Kaname thought. If she had been truthful to Sousuke from the start, would anything have changed? _No_, the blue-haired girl answered to herself. Sousuke would do everything to stop her, but she still would have continued on with the mission. _On the other hand, _Kaname pondered, _maybe his sense of _duty_ would stop him from actually doing anything._ The long-haired girl's eyes narrowed. She was starting to hate that word. But it was true. It wasn't her _duty_ to tell anyone about her secret mission – much less someone who wasn't present at that time. And it was his _duty_ to continue with his own line of work, and leave her be.

Kaname sighed. When did it all start? A few months ago, when he came back from his mission… should she have done something else?

She looked at the old man in front of her, who was waiting patiently for her to continue, "You knew the enemy was monitoring me when I went to my apartment. Why did you let him come back to me?"

It was coincidentally the worst time for them to meet. They didn't know she was ordered to plant a bomb in his apartmet – in the same way she didn't know he would come back so soon.

"You still needed to be protected even when you are pretending to live your civilian life. Him catching you and finding out... wasn't part of the plan"

Ironically, Gauron mentioned the same thing

Kaname couldn't control her outburst, "You endangered his life!" And she instantly regretted her words. In _their _world, everyone was prepared to die for the organization's purpose. And Kaname understands perfectly the ghosts that haunt those in positions of authority. Just like Tessa and Kalinin, the higher-ups would have to live with the idea that they have sent countless people to their graves.

Kalinin replied before she could apologize, "You looked like you needed a reason to live"

This old guy was so funny that she could almost cry.

Kalinin continued, "He came back for you, even though he wasn't obligated to. And you couldn't understand that fact - not back then when you let yourself get captured by him, and not right now."

Kaname took another sip of drink, not really noticing how cold it has become. She smiled sadly, "You're wrong in that account."

The old man raised an eyebrow, "So why do you hesitate? Why not talk to him?"

"It's too early…"

"The Kaname I knew wouldn't have been stopped by that. If you say you understand him, then speak to him now and tell him what he wants to know."

"It's because I understand completely that I don't want him to be concerned about me anymore. After I joined Mithril, I was so sure he wouldn't be endangered anymore because of me."

Kaname remembered the words she spoke only a few moments before. Although the man in front of her said that she was wrong in saying this, it doesn't change the fact that she meant every word.

"_But it's just not logical that I be shunned from their world when they were the ones who were doing everything to keep me from harm."_

Kalinin seemed to have read her line of thought, "You spoke of the reason why you accepted the Intelligence Division's offer, but that is not the whole story, is it?

The blue-haired girl grinned, she really couldn't hide anything from this old man, "You're right. I may have other reasons… but they may seem unreasonable."

Kalinin frowned, "I know of your hatred towards the Commander's brother."

Kaname smiled once again at the label. Only Kalinin understood how his name was enough to send shivers down her spine. It has always been the case after that fateful rainy night.

Kalinin stood up to bring the cups to the sink. He paused for a moment, back turned to her, before breaking the silence, "It is not exactly unreasonable."

Kaname remembered the feeling of helplessness as she stared at the unmoving form of her attacker. The silver-haired man's eyes did not even hold any remorse after he ordered his miniature AS to kill the female agent. She remembers the feeling of relief that came when she knew that the threat was gone… and she hated herself for it. "You say that, and yet I'm sure you do not approve of the idea of revenge."

The old man turned on the faucet, "That is correct." He continues to wash the cups, pausing for a moment before drying them and placing them back on the shelf. He turns and leans on the counter while looking at the blue-haired girl. Truthfully, though revenge was not enough of a reason to start a war, Kalinin has witnessed countless innocent deaths because of it. The human mind, when clouded with such negative emotions, can become so corrupt that their actions could not be considered normal anymore. He could only pray that the girl in front of him would never know of such reality.

"But this is not revenge we are talking about." He finally answered, "You do not blame _him_."

Kaname looked down at the floor, trying to control her emotions. It was true. She did not agree to become a double agent so she could get back at silver-haired man. It was _never_ about revenge. Her true feelings were clear the moment she was left standing in the rain, trying to pull the paralyzed Wraith towards the hospital. Kaname remembered mentioning it to a certain brown-haired sergeant that last time they met.

"_We can help." _

_She shook her head. _

_"It's already too late. This is my repentance."_

It was all about personal redemption. Kaname realized that she was being selfish again in that aspect. "There was no other way…"

Kalinin walked back to sit on the couch in front of her, "You thought endangering yourself was the solution."

Kaname's eyes flashed with conviction, "I _believe_ that I should have died in her place."

The old man raised an eyebrow at her words, "She was a soldier and she knew that death is inevitable in her line of work. You were her target. You should be thankful that you lived."

"I know," Kaname loved life more than anything, "I know" she repeated. But knowing did not help in relieving her of the pain.

"Let's put it this way," Kalinin began, leaning closer and making sure he made eye contact, "if he did not order her to be killed, I would have done so."

And this was it. This was the world she entered. She knew of the injustices, yet still wasn't prepared for it.Kaname buried her face in her hands, willing that the tears would not fall. Her eyes stayed dry, surprisingly. How much has she changed?

Kalinin's eyes softened. He knew all these was hard, especially for a young girl like Kaname, who only knew of the horrors for such a short time, "We care for you Ms. Chidori. We would have done everything to protect you from this life. Do you understand?"

Yes. _Yes_, she finally understood.

And inspite of this, she did not know how to atone for her mistakes.

Fate was surely laughing at her now

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* * *

Tell me… Would you stop me from fighting for you?

* * *

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**Author's Note**: Less action. More talk. Yeah. Next chapter: Sousuke and Kaname finally gets the chance to talk.


End file.
